WhiteEyebrows

Recently I was called to be the choir director for my local church congregation. (In my church, all such positions are filled by volunteers from the congregation)

This seemed like a nice fit. I have sung in choirs all my life. I have had music lessons since I was eight. I have sung under some pretty awesome conductors in my life, and done it on all levels and gradations of professionalism.

However, none of those experiences quite matched what happened to me today. Today, for the first time in my life, I took the “baton” (there was no baton, i’m speaking figuratively) and conducted my first choir performance.

I have decided conducting is much more scary than performing.

When you conduct, you have to keep yourself from singing, but you have to mouth the words so everyone else can rely on you for them. It’s hard to do, especially on pieces you have sung before. I even caught myself singing once during a women only part, too. That really quite awkward, the one lone male voice…

Then there’s the anxiety… What if no one shows up to sing?  What if I miss bringing someone in? What if I’m taking it too fast or too slow? What if the whole thing falls apart? What if the ceiling collapses from the natural vibrations of our double or triple forte!!! (the possibilities are endless)

Well the miracle of Church choir is that it just works out. In some strange way, and for some strange unknown reason, it just works out in the end. You always wonder how it will, when you’re two weeks away and you have 6 people (four altos and 2 guys) show up at your second to last rehearsal, but it just works out.

To illustrate the miracle even more, at one point someone asked me during our warm-up/rehearsal time if I had an extra piece of a music for the song we were singing. I was sure I was out, but I moved my piece to the side, and !voila! behind it was another one. It was almost like a “loaves and fishes” moment. “It’s a Christmas miracle!” I exclaimed.

And it was.

What is the root of all happiness? What is the quickest way to a man’s heart? How do you make the man you love happier than he’s ever been before?

Two words…

High Definition.

‘Nuff said.

Is there another Dot Com Bubble on the horizon? These guys seem to think so.

We have a problem. A big problem. This problem is bigger than Iraq and iRan put together. It’s bigger than the medicare and social security problems put together.

Recently the original seasons of Sesame Street were released on DVD. However, the package carries a clear warning: “These early Sesame Street episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”

Um… OK. So either 1) today’s preschool child has drastically different needs than I did as a preschool child or 2) we are just too freaking hypersensitive to the creative programming our children watch.

Apparently while no one was looking, cookie monster became “vegetable monster” and Oscar the Grouch was sent to rehab and years of group therapy. The Count had to go for sensitivity training, and Grover had to go get his narcissism evaluated.

Is it just me, or have they taken the “character” out of the characters?

I really don’t think I was adversely affected or scarred by these rogue sesame street episodes. If you want to talk about shows I am scarred by, let’s talk about the guy with the affro who wore the skin tight unitard with a representation of his internal organs on it.

Sesame street is innocuous. In fact, I feel so strongly about it, I think I’ll buy these DVDs, and purposefully show them to my children, just to make sure they end up as awesome as me!

I am now focused on finding a gift that Lindsie can give to Josh for Christmas.  After thinking long and hard over this one, I have come to the conclusion:

Josh needs a funny hat!  It would serve two purposes:

1. Cover his bald, cold head in that brisk northern climate
2. Help him keep his ego in check.

I would suggest that you could get each other silly hats, and then the rule is, if you are going to get into an argument, you have to wear the silly hats, so as to not be taken too seriously.

This idea brought to you in part by the letter “L”

I am very proud of myself.  I have gotten this far without recommending any electronics…

However, I must note that electronic devices are the #1 gift at Christmas time.  (If you don’t believe me, just look at battery sales on the day after Christmas)

Here is a great all-purpose electronic device that is not too nerdy, but is very cool, and which everyone can never have enough of:

A digital picture frame!

Everyone should have one, relatively few people have them, and they are now quite inexpensive.  Even if someone does have one, they can always use another for a different room.

Go forth and conquer.

I hope you are able to find the few “real posts” that are peppered between all these fabulous holiday gift ideas I have been posting recently on the blog.

Recently, I had the opportunity to perform with my choral group on the Dallas classical radio station, 101.1 WRR. We sang live at the Adolphus Hotel in Downtown.

The station invited their listeners to come down to the Adophus to provide a small audience for our music, which led me to wonder: “What sort of radio listeners are going to come to Downtown in the middle of a normal work day to hear this random choir that they could otherwise hear broadcast live to the comfort of their own cars and homes?”

My answer came in the form of a group of ladies I’ll call Louise, Ellen, and Thelda. That’s not their real names, but there they were, peacocking their way into the Adolphus living room like they owned the place. They are Dallas’ “tea drinking” elite. They are older ladies, in their 50s to 70s, who dressed in their special Christmas sweaters and came down to the Adolphus to enjoy an afternoon of tea and coffee with biscuits and live snooty choral music.

Thelda and Louise got there forty-five mintues early and saved a place for Ellen, who could only make it a half an hour early. They were first to pounce on the free confections and beverages when they were placed out by the Hotel staff, and were sure to negotiate the best seating in between where the choir would be singing and where the radio host would be announcing.

Something was ultra-special about these three ladies. Their sweaters were not just the simple red or green holiday sweaters… No. They were the specialized holiday Doo-dad sweaters. The ones with bells, ornaments, or real beard hair hanging off the front, back or sides. Those sweaters sat there and not only invited Holiday cheer, they demanded it!

I don’t know where these sweaters come from, or how they seem to make it through from year to year. They must go into some kind of absolute zero storage in order to hold their life from year to year.

Perhaps most of us had our first interaction with the Holiday doo-dad sweater when we were in elementary school. To be a fun teacher, teachers have to look fun. They sport button covers, pins, and other lovely adornments throughout the year, but at Christmastime they break out the dreaded doo-dad sweaters. The children think they are wonderful and entertaining. (…I loved it when Mrs. Wheeler jingled all the way down the hall…) I now understand that they are simply using these acutramon to keep sharp weapons close at hand, shrouded in a display of holiday cheer, to defend themselves against the germ-ridden, snot nosed students. They also probably received the sweaters as gifts, and are wearing them only because their Aunt Selma gave them the ugly thing.

In any case, Louise, Ellen, and Thelda had a wonderful time at the concert, drank their tea, ate their sweet biscuits, and hobnobbed with the other WRR Classical Listeners.

I will never forget you wonderful ladies.