Jan 22 2008

People’s Silly Names

Tag: RandomWhiteEyebrows @ 1:28 pm

Have you ever noticed that some people’s names seem indelibly tied to their work or life story in some way? How do these people’s parents do it? Are they clairvoyant as to what the child will grow up to become? Does your name determine how nerdy or cool you will be?

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Last week I got a notice in my email that they were going to be doing electrical work on the first floor here at work. Who was it from? Buzzy Garrison, campus electrician.Yes, buzzy was destined to work in the electrical field. His name begs it.

Bronco Mendenhall, another good example, is the head football coach for my alma mater. With a name like Bronco, this man HAD to be a football player or coach. Could you imagine walking into your financial planner’s office and saying, “Hey Bronco, how is my portfolio going?”

So maybe I’ll have kids one day, and I can determine their fates by the names I choose. I’ll name one Crusher… he will be the athletic one, maybe even go into pro wrestling. I’ll name one Mortimer. He can be nerdy and rich. I’ll name one Striker. That is a celebrity’s name.

Seems like a fool proof way to control my children’s future.

Any weird names you run into lately?


Jan 21 2008

Some thoughts on Race

Tag: Holidays, PoliticsWhiteEyebrows @ 3:06 pm

I’m pretty much as white as they come. Other than being related to Karl Malone (through marraige), I pretty much have no smatterings of color in my family tree, so every time the issue of race comes up, I fit squarely into the “White/Caucasian” category.

In other words… it’s all my fault.

Yes, my ancestor’s ancestors were members of a culture who participated in the awful practice of buying and selling human life. They created centuries of human oppression and perpetuated such an awful practice.

But guess what: I didn’t. It wasn’t me. I don’t believe in that. I didn’t do it. And punishing me for it is just silly.

Yes, my grandfathers and great grandfathers lived in the United States during a time when we tried our hardest to keep races separated…

But guess what: I didn’t. I don’t believe that. It wasn’t me. I didn’t do it. And punishing me for it is just silly.

There has been a long history of racial oppression in the world. The Egyptians built their monster pyramids with slave labor. Slavery has been a major component of every eon of time. The concept of slavery is the same across all ages: the forced oppression and captivity of the weakest members of a society.

Slavery continues until today, in the form of economic slavery. High interest credit cards and loans are made to the weakest in our society, putting them at natural disadvantages and binding them for life to creditors they will never be able to satisfy. This slavery knows no race, gender or creed.

But it’s not my fault. And I don’t owe you anything. During my lifetime, I have worked to give those I have come in contact with every benefit and opportunity I have received, no matter their race or culture.

mlkdraw.gifToday is Martin Luther King Jr. Day here in the United States. Certainly, Dr. King’s incredible contributions to our country deserve to be recognized. And this is why… he had the courage to stand up. He inspired a movement of people to identify with their culture, take pride in their heritage, and to take a moral stand against their countrymen and government to say, “What is going on here isn’t right. We are not second class citizens.”

In this spirit, I celebrate Dr. King. I celebrate his dream and vision, and the power of the movement he led pull up his race by their bootstraps to say, “we’re not taking it anymore.” I have, in part, seen his dream realized during my lifetime.

I was raised without prejudice for race, gender or creed. I value all people equally as children of God and members of the same human race.

The biggest problem with race today is not white suppression, it is self-supression.

African-Americans have adopted the hate language of the 1960’s Caucasians to define themselves and even casually refer to each other. What would Dr. King think to walk through our schools today hearing black people refer to each other as “nigger”?

African-Americans, Latinos, Native Americans, etc have more money than ever to go to college, and yet Caucasians still make up the majority of those going to college. Affirmative action has been set up in the workplace to give more than due opportunities for people of minority ethnicities. The ‘white establishment’ has done everything possible to give every minority in this country a shot at a good education, a good job, and a productive life.

And yet it’s never enough.

One day I’m going to create the WhiteEyebrows scholarship fund for white male white-eyebrowed freaks…

I think Dr Bill Cosby is right. Read some of the startling statistics from his recent book on the state of the black community and it quickly becomes clear that there is cultural disease festering.

  • In 1950, five out of every six black children were born into a two-parent home. Today, that number is less than two out of six
  • 70 percent of black babies are born to single mothers in the United States each year
  • Homicide is the number one cause of death for black men between 15 and 29 years of age and has been for decades.
  • Of the roughly 16,000 homicides in this country each year, more than half are committed by black men. A black man is seven times more likely to commit a murder than a white man, and six times more likely to be murdered.
  • Ninety-four percent of all black people who are murdered are murdered by other black people.
  • Although black people make up 12 percent of the general population, they make up nearly 44 percent of the prison population.
  • At any given time, as many as one in four of all young black men are in the criminal justice system—in prison or jail, on probation or on parole.

(source: NBC’s Meet the Press Interview with Tim Russert)

Now to another group, Latinos & Mexicans, who seem to have the complete opposite problems from the African-American community. The history of the African-Americans is tragic… they were drug here to work for nothing. Today, Mexicans come here at any cost, to work and be a part of our 12 trillion dollar economy, and all we can talk about is how to keep them out. What irony! For much of the country, it’s still not politically incorrect to be racist toward Latinos, even though they come here to work the hardest for the lowest wages, and sacrifice their quality of life for their families both here and where they come from.

Where is the Dr. King of the Latino community who will stand up and say, “We demand to be equal partners in this American dream”?

It’s such a complicated issue, but perhaps the reason why the American experiement continues to work is because above all else, above our race, religion, culture, background, hair style, or fingernail length, we are Americans. We subscribe to the American dream and believe in freedom, liberty, and human decency.

So for this day of commemoration, let’s put aside the divisiveness of race and remember our common American race. There is room for all races in the American dream.


Jan 18 2008

“… I am yo’ brohduh … ” Part 2

Tag: American Idol Season 7WhiteEyebrows @ 11:33 am

My very own brother called me the other night and left this voicemail… I just had to share it!

Click here to hear his masterpiece


Jan 17 2008

“… I AM YO’ BROHDER …”

Tag: American Idol Season 7WhiteEyebrows @ 11:00 pm

There are only a select few times when I actually laugh uncontrollably when I’m totally alone. I think uncontrollable laughter when you are all alone is kind of embarrasing, cause there’s no one to laugh along with you…

… but this time I couldn’t help myself!

I have finally found someone who took everything I feel about Simon Cowell and wrote it down in a heartfelt, lovely song.

Here it is in all its brilliance: (this is worth every second, trust me)

I echo all those words. Simon you are great person. Cause you give everyone a chance to sing on the free media.

Only my hometown of Dallas could produce such amazing talent!

I’d also like to show you one more piece of… ummm… talent…

This girl was very concerned that in her embrace we might just see a little more than we bargained for:

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It was a little funnier in the video, but she was pulling the back of her dress down. Good girl, but next time, just wear a longer skirt that doesn’t bring so many.. errr… liabilities with it.


Jan 16 2008

American Idol Season 7 Begins!

Tag: American Idol Season 7WhiteEyebrows @ 9:00 am

Well everyone, welcome to the American Idol blogs for 2008!

Since I have radically expanded this blog thing since last year, let me just explain for all the noobs. Although I had watched American Idol during Seasons 2 and 3, I didn’t really get into American Idol until Season 5. Since then, I have had a great time pundit-izing the singers, judges, and basically everything during this awkward rise to the top.

At times I feel as though I am blood brothers with Simon Cowell. If I were him, I would bear the same look of desperation… “please let me out of this monster I have created!”

This was my favorite clip of the evening… In this telling moment we learn yet another endearing thing about Simon’s personality… the man actually has NO empathetic bone in his body… good for him!


Now to the freaks of the evening… cause honestly, that’s what we tune in for at this stage of the show. In fact, I wont’ blog on EVERY audition episode, cause mostly, there’s not much to say. It’s just more of the freaks. They didn’t even deserve their 2 minutes of air time, and certainly don’t deserve to be re-acknowleged on this blog for an entry in the annals of time. (are you listening to me CLOAK BOY! Get a vlog if you want to command people’s interest in such a desperate way…)

Time has been nice to the AI crew. Nice to know Paula doesn’t age and Randy never gets skinnier. Simon is the only one who’s gotten visibly older as the series has progressed. Paula’s teeth keep getting whiter too. What shade of white comes after “above the brightness of the sun”?!? Wow! Nice chompers. Apparently, she gave her doctor’s card to Elliot Yamin who, incidentally, also gained a great brilliant set since his Idol days. But I digress.

It appears we have another great season brewing. The black chick with the “challenged” child at the end of day one was great, and the MORMON chick at the end of day 2 was good too. Now… I know she didn’t come out and say it, but my Mormo-Dar was going off like mad! She’s originally from Mesa, AZ (a town with a huge mormon community), she has never seen and R rated movie because “her parents taught her and that is now her own decision”, she has that tender, cutesie naivety you can smell a half mile away, and she is a nanny who says “I can’t wait to have my own kids.” Whatever.

Now… this year we’re adding another dimension to the AI blogs.. you get to comment, and I want to HEAR YOU! I know you’re reading, so tell me where I’m on (99% of the time) and where I’m off (it’s happened like once…)

Thanks for reading, and a happy Idol season to all!


Jan 15 2008

Mitt Takes the Gold

Tag: PoliticsWhiteEyebrows @ 11:38 pm

Mitt Romney finally won the Gold. It wasn’t in Iowa or New Hampshire, like we worked for and anticipated, but it was in his ‘home’ state of Michigan.

Just when people were starting to forget about him, when the press stalled and when people were talking withdrawl… let me just remind you…

  • Mitt is in FIRST place in number of delegates among all the candidates at this point.
  • Mitt has raised the MOST money among all the republicans
  • Mitt is the BEST candidate if you are concerned about the economy. (If we do slide into a ‘bagel’ you can bet his numbers will spike)
  • oh yeah.. and there’s all these reasons too!

Go Mitt!


Jan 15 2008

Your Own Personal Bagel

Tag: Economics, PoliticsWhiteEyebrows @ 9:49 am

Listening to the radio whilst (no one uses that fabulous word anymore) coming to work today I was listening to two of the country’s economists (read: blowhards) speculate about what the current stat of our economy is, whether or not we were headed into a recession, and whether or not we are actually in one (and we don’t know it yet).

So… I came to work and looked up the word ‘recession’. Recession (thanks, wikipedia) is defined as “two or more quarters of negative economic growth or negative gross domestic product.”

This reminds me of bagels. Let me explain. On one of my favorite episodes of The West Wing, there is a fear of economic downturn sweeping through the staff. Josh walks into a meeting and just flat out says the word ‘recession’ and he immediately get shushed and given dirty looks. Apparently it’s bad luck to speak such words, so you use the harmless euphemism: a “bagel.”

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So is our country headed toward a ‘bagel’?

One of these economists actually had an interesting thought. When they started talking about consumer spending, they said that surprisingly consumer spending has continued as if there were no economic problems on the horizon. So people obviously didn’t want to accept the thought that the economy might be slipping, and people aren’t really feeling the pinch of a recession just yet.

So the question is… are you having your own personal recession yet? Most of us who are steadily employed have a pretty “fixed income.” So usually, if a recession hits, it hits some people extremely hard (they lose their employment), while the rest of us just lose opportunity (fewer raises, bonuses, etc). When people ask “how bad will the recession be?” what they are really asking is, “is it going to threaten my job?”

So the idea is… all economics are local, right? So… anyone here feeling the effects of the economic slowdown?

I have felt them in two conflicting ways… 1) my retirement fund slowed growth last year by about 8%. Betting on a slipping economy, and being young and willing to take the risk, I changed over 50% into foreign investments, due to the weakness of the dollar. Hopefully that will perform better this year.

On the other hand, though, I’ve been starting a business… an expensive venture, but which is already showing promising financial futures. I’m not getting rich or anything, but it’s paying for itself, and has growth indications.

I personally think this will be a mild ‘bagel’ if it’s a ‘bagel’ at all, mostly because of the weakness of the dollar and the ubiquity of the global economy. Exports will raise and foreign investment in the US will increase (speculators looking for a deal on a sure thing). This will create jobs and stimulate growth once more.

So, stay tuned… we’ll see where this thing goes. One thing’s for certain, it’s way too early to tell.

If it is a bagel, hopefully it’s smothered in strawberry cream cheese!


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