In less than five days I will put off my singleness for the foreseeable future and join the ranks of the “married.” I will finally be checking the box “Married” on all those stupid legal documents and survey profiles.  I will henceforth be never more known as “Single, Never Married”.

While this new marital state will certainly bring me just as much fodder for blog material (Celebrating Marriedness anyone?), I feel like I should at least give a little effort to polish off the blog series “Celebrating Singleness” with a few parting thoughts from my time I spent as a single man and single Mormon.

The Dangerous Spiral

Looking back on my singleness, and the singleness of others, success was measured more by direction than speed.  In other words, which way you are spiraling?  I have personally experienced times in both life and love when I was spiraling upward – with things going well and falling into place, but have also had those times when things violently spiral out of control and down the tubes.

Your attitude on love and the possibility of a future relationship is the most dangerous downward spiral.  You can go quickly from hopeful to expectant, expectant to entitled, entitled to impatient, impatient to cynical, cynical to jaded, jaded to bitter.  Before you know it, you’ve turned into an angry, bitter person who no one wants to be around because all you do is poo poo life because of your perceived injustice.

I’ll Be Ready When I’m Ready

There’s no use taking the food out of the oven early when it’s just not ready.  You can’t make the food cook faster, and you can’t force someone to be ready by an arbitrary deadline to take a spouse.

I went through several times in my life where a relationship just wasn’t an option.  I wasn’t equipped for it.  It wasn’t on my radar, and it wasn’t a priority.  I shudder to think now what kind of relationship decisions I might have made then, and where I’d be now if I had.

Life is a long, grueling process of personal refinement.  Some people just get to do more of that while they’re single than while they’re married.

Everything Works Out In The End

If I could go back five, two, or even one year ago and give myself some advice, it would be this: “Stop thinking about it, worrying about it, and just get in the game.”

You can’t make anything happen from the sidelines, and even though the game can get dirty and people can get their eyes poked out, it’s how singleness is done.  I’ve never had a quality, meaningful relationship which fell right into my lap.

I’d tell myself, “just date to have fun and have friends.”  Don’t look at every first date as an audition for a spouse.  Date to find someone you really, really like.  Then comes the hard part, give them some room to decide if they like you. Give them space to decide that, and don’t rush them.  Play the field while they do.  Invariably, your pursuing or being pursued by others will give them more incentive to decide.

In the meantime, work on yourself.  Make yourself a person that you would like.  Actually become that person (don’t just pretend you are that person), and then be comfortable with who you are rather than focusing on what you’re not.

True Friends are True Always

Because of the dirty, messy, violent nature of the game, things can get uncomfortable at times.  You are going to go through some difficult times, and at times it seems like the whole world is against you.  In this situation, you need true friends – teammates – people who will be true to you through thick and thin and in you darkest times.

Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics

I’ve seen a few people, men and women, fall victim to the falsehood that being a little less active in their religion will somehow increase their dating chances, success, or ‘hotness’ of their spouse.  Quite to the contrary, dangling off the edge of religous activity will almost surely guarantee that they’ll find someone as lukewarm as they are, and then you’ll both be in for a rude surprise when you expect from them a full commitment to your religion and values.

Look for someone who’s fully committed to something.  Avoid those who can’t commit to anything.

It’s Not All About You

During my single life, I had the most joy when I was actively outside of myself, serving others and making a difference in the world.  Certainly, there were times when I needed to hole up and take care of myself, but they were the exception rather than the rule.  If you’re unhappy, serve.  If you’re lonely, serve.  Volunteer.  Do something.  And look for someone who is doing the same.  There’s nothing more draining on a giver than being in a relationship with a taker, and there’s nothing more miserable than being in a relationship with two takers.

You’ll Just Know

I dont’ believe that there is a one soul-mate destined for each person.  I do believe, however, that there are right relationships and wrong relationships, and only you will know it.

It took me a while to figure this out, though.  I am one who likes to be prepared by learning from others’ experiences.  I would ask, “How will I know when I’ve met the person I will marry?”  Many people said, “You just know.” I hated this answer, but it was right.  I knew it was right because I found myself using that exact phrase to describe how I knew it was right to proceed with my current relationship.  I just knew.  I just felt that it was right at every turn, and felt like I should proceed as we made it to each relationship milestone.

Being the Decider

Everyone will give you advice about your relationship, but no one knows the inside of a relationship other than the two people.  So you can listen to others, but recognize that no one will ever have enough information or detail to tell you exactly what you should do.

You alone can decide.

This is one of those times where it doesn’t help to have any outside opinions or expertise.  When you can’t learn from anyone else’s experience.  It happens to every person differently, and you will have a totally unique story of how you met, fell in love with, and ultimately decided to make an ultimate commitment to your spouse.

Opposites

My single life has been great and terrible!  I’ve been through heaven and hell.  I have enjoyed incredible opportunities, unique challenges, and life altering experiences. I have had regrets.  I have wanted do-overs.  I’ve been lonely, and I’ve been swarmed with friends.  I’ve bemoaned my existence, and been on top of the world.  I’ve felt accomplished, and I’ve felt like the bottom of the barrel.

Joy is derived from life by experiencing the contrasts and opposites.  The whole point of this series, though, has been to point out that “single” and “married” are not opposite ends of the happiness/misery scale. One can be single or married and find joy in life. Joy can be found in either relationship state, and life can be lived fully and vibrantly no matter which bubble you fill in on line 1 of your 1040…

So go ahead… Keep celebrating your singleness!

Later that night, I the opportunity to catch up with some old college friends who were here in Dallas.  The reminiscing on old times and catching up threw me into a weird time warp.  Talking with them reminded me of so many things and brought back so many memories from past lives.

In my relatively short lifetime, I have already had several ‘mini-lives’; smaller, compact sub-segments of my life that neatly compartmentalize themselves.  There was the time when I was growing up at my parents house, pre-mission college, my church mission, post-mission college, my short professional career in entertainment, and my current life in Dallas.  Each life has presented me with a new set of friends, opportunities to focus on different talents, and a chance to redefine myself over time.  Some of the people who might only have known me for a few years would be surprised to meet the WhiteEyebrows of 10 years ago – not that I’ve changed unrecognizably, but I can see how I have changed and morphed over time – and certain individuals have gotten to know me in many different lights.

I think it’s partly because we get defined externally (by others) by what we do, rather than by who we are.  If you’re spending all your time in a theater or in a music studio, people look at you differently than if you are spending your time in the library or computer lab.  Even if you spend time in both, or are perfectly capable at both, you are defined only by what those people see you doing in that particular phase of your life.

Catching up with these old friends made me think: when the past intersects with the present, it’s kind of creepy.  Your old lives start doubling back over each other, and you are presented with the challenge of revisiting your old self, and reintegrating that old self into your current self.  In a way, it’s good.  It keeps you honest.  It makes you own who you’ve been as much as you might not want to be that person anymore.  In a way it’s also uncomfortable though, as you can never quite express to the people from the different epochs of your life how you’ve changed over time.

As I consider this idea in the context of my singleness, I wonder how it is different for single people vs marrieds.  If I invited someone to be that “witness” to my life, how much would my life change and in what ways?  Certainly it will open up a new chapter in my already chapter-filled life.  But how would I integrate my single life into my married life?  Would there have to be wholesale cuts and changes?!?  “It’s a fire-sale!  Saturday only… All singleness must go!”

Being single, it is very easy to re-make yourself.  Every time you move, every time you change friends, you have an opportunity to cast yourself in a different light.  However, having a ‘witness to your life’ certainly changes all of that.  They become a stake in the ground; someone who anchors you, someone who knows you.

I think having that ‘witness to your life’ might be a good thing.  It’s the ultimate honesty check.  Just as your parents and siblings were the ones who knew you the best as you grew up, your spouse becomes the one to know you the most as an adult – being fully aware of all your buttons and knowing which ones to push and which ones not to.  They see you go through your life.  They watch you make decisions and change over time.  Those who reach those 30, 40, and 50 year anniversaries blow away the 20 years you might have spent with your immediate family.

But until that happens, let’s just keep celebrating our singleness.

The truth is, though, I am really bad at puzzles.  I usually will sit down for 5-10 minutes, try to put in a few pieces, then get bored or frustrated and move on to another activity.  If you want to know who the true puzzle queen is in our family, it’s my mom.  (Tio and Aunt Sherrie do a good job too, but Mom is the ultimate puzzle focuser.)

I’ve found the trick to participating in the puzzle, though.  I join early and strategically claim the part of the puzzle with the most detail, which will be easiest to put toegether.  Things like rooflines, people, even lattice work or anything geometrical will do.  What you don’t want to do is come to the puzzle late when there is only one or two things left… the sky or the water.

The sky and the water is a death wish.  It’s all texture, and there’s little you can do to make it any easier.

If I get stuck with the sky or the water, there is really only one thing I can do: sit there and shove pieces together until they fit.  Sometimes, though some pieces look like they fit together, and you only find out late into the puzzle that you have got a piece wrong.  Still, other times, you are just positive that two pieces should go together… and you sit there and twist them and turn them all different ways to see how you can get them to fit.  Sometimes, in a fit of rage, I will even force the two pieces together and bang them down onto the table with my fist proclaiming, “GO TOGETHER!!!”

You’re probably wondering to yourself, what does this have to do with celebrating your singleness, WhiteEyebrows?  Well, a few days ago I was talking to a friend about relationships – single’s relationships – and this concept of puzzle pieces came up. So go with me as I draw out this metaphor…

You know, sometimes we want two pieces to fit together so badly.  They look just right for each other.  It works out perfectly on paper.  They have mutual interests, family friendships, similar personalities… whatever the case may be.  So you twist and turn the piece every which way, trying to find the way they fit.  This usually ends in grand frustration when you exclaim, “GO TOGETHER!”, or when you finally you throw the pieces back into the mix and give up…

Sometimes two pieces that don’t really go together look like they fit perfectly together.  They are put together and then left for a long, long time, until near the end of the puzzle when they don’t realize they never belonged together in the first place.  It’s a sad relationship and realization, but it happens.

Still others fit naturally and perfectly.  Some pieces find their match early on in the puzzle, and stick with it throughout the puzzle.  Others are the really difficult pieces whose matches kind of blend in with all the other puzzle pieces.

Some pieces go together completely by accident and chance.  Sometimes you pick up a piece and just put it down right on its match without even thinking about it.  This is always cause for a celebratory dance.

Sometimes the elimination of some puzzle pieces make it more apparent which pieces might go together.  Sometimes changing the puzzle to another room, turning on a lamp, or sitting on another side of the table from the puzzle changes your perspective and you see matches you never saw before.

The good news, though?  Every piece in the puzzle fits in somewhere.  That’s the way the puzzle maker made it!  So whatever your puzzle piece scenario, don’t worry, you will find your matching piece soon.  I don’t know how or when it will happen, but it is bound to happen.  The puzzler is up there working his magic, and it will all work out in the end.

‘Cause as I always say: Everything works out in the end.  So if it hasn’t worked out yet, it’s just not the end yet.

I have noticed, during my short and very single life, that many people want to “get” married and “have” kids.  From the time I was born I have been told to “get” married and “have” kids.  I don’t think it is an accident of the English language that we use the phrases “get married” and “have kids” either.  Think about those words… GET and HAVE…

It’s sad to say, but I’m afraid our language actually does reflect our culture and deepest thoughts.  Most people want to ‘get’ married rather than BE married, and most people want to ‘have’ kids rather than RAISE children.

American culture is obsessed with possession and acquisition.  We are the ultimate consumers.  We acquire things our entire life.  When we get too much stuff, we go buy containers for the stuff.  We buy houses and garages to keep all our stuff in, and then when we overgrow those, we go buy bigger ones.  Getting stuff seems to be the whole basis for our culture and life experience.  We send our newborns home from the hospital with bags and bags of required stuff – stuff they can’t live without – and then grow from there needing and needing more and more.  We go about our lives simply collecting things… junk, mostly, and then when we’re old we worry about who we’re going to give all our junk to that would possibly care for it as well as we have our whole life.

Marriage isn’t an acquisition, though.  We shouldn’t “get” married, we should become married.  We should see our partner, not as a simple life status change or an obligatory rite of passage we should go through because that’s what people do, but as someONE (not someTHING) that’s entered our life that has changed it forever.

Again, the same thing happens with children.  People want to “have” children, much like they want to have a summer home or the latest iThing.  We want them in order to say we have them; to possess them.  Many parents “have” their children without much regard for their desire (or lack thereof) to raise them.  This is mostly apparent in certain segments of the teen population where it’s become cool to get pregnant and “get your first baby.”  It’s almost as if they bring a life into the world as they would purchases a doll, just to name it and play with it when they feel like it, then give it away (or throw it away) when it’s old, or time to move on to the next acquisition.

The good news is that the universe is not kind to the people who hold this philosophy very long.  These people seem to always be the ones who are losing everything – including their spouse and children – because of their inherant stupidity and lack of appreciation for what they’ve been given, rather than what they think they’ve simply acquired.

This is part six of the series Celebrating Singleness…

I’ve never fit neatly into predefined social circles.

Never been athletic enough to fit in with the sporty people, never liked the right music for the clubbers and party-ers, never wore the right sunglasses for the cool people, or cared enough about my looks for the fashionable. Never bling-blinged enough for the rich, and never ate at the right places for the foodies.

You can say that at one time I fit pretty well with the potpourri of artistic and talented people (mostly because they are perhaps the most unassuming when it comes to who/what is a part of them), but that I only lasted until I became their boss, and then it didn’t work so well anymore as my talents began to be recognized as administrative rather than artistic.

The good news is, in spite of this slightly schizophrenic social identity, which seems to weave in and out of recognizable social groups, I’ve mostly been OK with who I am. I’ve not been super depressive or wanted to jump off a cliff. I’ve just always been friendly to pretty much anyone who would give me the time of day, and I only expect the same simple courtesy in return. (Cause let’s just face it, there are some people who are just way too good, or too busy, or too successful for this basic behavior…)

So how do I draw my social circle? I’m not really sure. Sometimes I have stood as an island, while other times I have felt like one of the crowd.

As crazy humans, we like to categorize things. It’s how our brain organizes our world. We like to classify each other: She’s the smart one. He’s the nice one. She’s the sporty one. He’s the cool one. But I’m not ever quite sure what it is I am to others, which is why 1/2 the time I just flippantly refer to myself as the WhiteEyebrowed freak.

And maybe that’s what I am… a freak. Isn’t that the word we use to describe those that we can’t really neatly categorize based on their unusual traits?

In that case, I think I’m happy to be a freak.

So this is where the Celebrating Singleness part comes in… see, most single people are just trying to find the lid for their pot. They try to find someone who shares the same values, priorities, interests, and patterns that they subscribe to. They are looking for someone who fits, and so looking in their natural social circle makes a lot of sense.

So I approach this blog today with a question (rather than a solution to my own problem): How do the freaks find the lid for their pot?

Until now my tactic has been to simply welcome anyone into my personal circle who can stand to take the schizophrenic ride. The only other option seems to be executing a serious mental/physical/emotional makeover to make me neatly fit into someone’s predefined expectation…. which isn’t happening. So hopefully someday I’ll find that special someone who wants to take the WhiteEyebrowed ride for the rest of their life.

In the meantime, I guess all I can do is keep celebrating my singleness!

Sad, isn’t it.

]]> http://www.whiteeyebrows.com/how-i-get-women/feed/ 3 http://www.whiteeyebrows.com/celebrating-singleness-getting-hooked-up/ http://www.whiteeyebrows.com/celebrating-singleness-getting-hooked-up/#comments Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:42:05 +0000 WhiteEyebrows http://www.whiteeyebrows.com/?p=319 Just when you thought this crazy series was dead, I go and bring out PART 5!

We cannot have a full discussion about the single experience without discussing Blind Dates and the crazy friends and relatives who inflict them on …

Just when you thought this crazy series was dead, I go and bring out PART 5!

We cannot have a full discussion about the single experience without discussing Blind Dates and the crazy friends and relatives who inflict them on us.

I’ve never been much of an aggressive dater. I have always enjoyed a fun date every now and again, but never been like ‘gotta have it’ like was some lifeblood or vitamin water or whatever. Because I have been judged (at one time or another in my life) as not dating “enough” or “the right people”, I have often been set up on blind dates with people I didn’t even know from Eve.

For those who haven’t been in the dating scene for a while, a blind date is defined as a date where one or both of you were asked out by an intermediary because you didn’t know each other well enough to ask directly.

Blind dates typically go very well (ring coming soon) or very badly (the majority). Only a wee small percentage of them are just ‘all right’ and lead to second dates or future interest.

Let me explain why blind dates almost always go badly:

1. The person/people who set you up have absolutely no concept of your personality or what you might be looking for in a girl. Many of them just see a single guy and a single girl and automatically think – “Hey, they’d be great for each other” without even considering the fact that they share no common interests, aptitudes, talents, and/or attitudes.
2. The date activity you choose (for example, bowling) will most likely be something that one of you is really bad at, and which will rapidly get super-uncomfortable.
3. The offending ‘setter-uppers’ will often want to double date with you, which always makes the pressure even greater for the date to succeed, which sometimes leads to the actual failure of the date because the comfortable parties will naturally gravitate toward each other. (People have gotten married this way, yo.)

I decided to post about this today because while I was kickin’ it on the elliptical this morning, my friends from the Today show were doing this interview about how mothers try to set up their daughters with anyone who appears at all successful or artistic – without the slightest regard for small details like… their marital status.

The problem is, non-single people don’t understand the importance of asking basic questions like, “Are you married?” They just see two people of the opposite gender, both with a pulse, and decide in their minds that they would make a fantastic couple based on those assumptions. This is why any random idea from friends and family members for we single people is met with a hearty dose of skepticism.

So what is to be done about this absurd practice? Absolutely nothing. I have been on a lot of blind dates in my life, and while most weren’t that great at all, they are cherished, horrendous moments which I now reflect on and laugh about.

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It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s not a pretty thing. Every blue moon the question is asked (either by myself or by someone else) “Why am I not married?” So let’s start in with the excuses…

The funny thing is, I have actually used most of these excuses (except the ones about having fun and getting established — that has never been a requirement) and most of them are just fake. It’s almost like we make them up for not other reason than just to get done talking about it and move on. It’s like we have to satisfy some excuse god so we can maintain a balanced xi or something.

Really, though, get real. I’m not going to tell you why I’m not married. I’m sure there are reasons that I don’t even know. Until I figure all them out, I’m going to invent the most interesting, thought provoking excuses to throw you off and entertain you so we can move on to another conversation topic.

Oh, and how many times have I heard this old song and dance from my married family and friends…

Why do married people “worry” about single people? Really… I’m just fine. I promise. If I need something off of a high shelf, I just get a ladder.

I just absolutely love this show.

I was recently sent two articles: “Marry Him! (The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough)” and “Child Man in the Promised Land“. Both are extremely long treatises (which actually kind of stall about 1/3 of the way through, so don’t feel bad when you stop reading at that point), so if you’re not up for that much reading on a Monday (I understand), here is the summary:

#1 Single adult women should stop searching for Mr. Perfect (a.k.a. Prince Charming) and “settle” (not a pretty word) for the best thing they can get to commit. The article alleges that women live in a fantasy world where their ideal man is mature, responsible, great looking, romantic, rich, and who is free from all disgusting habits.

#2 Single adult men are often stuck in a state of adult adolescence. They are unable to commit to women, or anything in life (a job, a roommate, a sexual orientation). The premise of the article is based on a number of comparisons to 1960′s adults and points out that today’s adults are not taking on the responsibilities of marriage, property ownership, and career as early as those adults do.

I will not be able to respond to everything in both of these articles (you’d fall asleep in your chair), so I will point out a few things that get my goat, and then allow you to point out what you think in comments.

Response to Article #1

I have very little to say to this article, as I am not a woman and cannot validate or contradict their conclusions. However, I will invoke one of my favorite previous posts entitled “A Fixer Upper” to reiterate the fact that every guy I know, including myself, has some ‘fixer upper’ qualities. There is no such thing as a Bisquick marriage (just add man), and if you’re waiting for Prince Charming to come sweep you off your feet, then get comfortable cause you’re going to be 80 by the time a man has evolved to that level.

To paraphrase one of my favorite quotes from Gordon Hinckley: “Men, the woman you marry will take a great chance on you.” Women, that means you have to actually take that chance.

Response to Article #2

I get to take more issue with article #2 since I am a guy.

I like to consider myself a guy who is pretty well-adjusted. I know many other guys who are as well. I also know yet other men (sheesh, I know a lot of people) who are total wrecks. When I say “wreck”, what I mean is these are those who go home, cook up their Totinos Pizza, and plug in to the Xbox or Playstation 3 every night. They are the epitome of this article.

Yes, they do exist.

It’s not really fair, though, to compare us to the post-war optimism of the 50′s… because of that whole pot-smoking, woodstock attending, bra burning, 60′s thing – you know our parents and counterparts who INVENTED the concept of “finding yourself” in your 20′s. (monkey see, monkey do?)

Sidenote: Why does ‘finding yourself’ always get associated with self-destructive behavior?

News flash. Things have changed in the last 58 years. 20 year olds in the 50′s didn’t have nearly the bills and the consumerism that we have today. No cell phones, no $3.75 gasoline, no expensive cars (they were just coming on). Also, the concept of a ‘career’ in the 1950′s was that you’d get a job in a good trade and work there your whole life and then the company would take care of your pension when you retired.

Obviously, the world today is much different. Our job market is super-fluid, especially for those under 30. Most people have cell phones, cable bills, rent bills, car payments, student loans, and credit card debt. And then, of course, with all the advances in transportation, communication, and health care (mostly in the mental health department – and the importance of finding a chemically balanced spouse) – there is far less simplicity by limitation. People rarely fall in love with and marry their high school sweetheart anymore.

Sad, huh.

I’m not saying these are things that should keep men from wanting to get married and committing, I’m just saying things have changed.

Even the excuses.

So what’s my excuse? I’m still working on one.

In the meantime, I keep celebrating this wonderful, limitless phase of my life.

In one of my comments in part one, I astounded myself by wondering out loud a question that crosses some singles’ minds every once in a while, but which I have never heard expressed out loud…

“What if it never works out for me?”

This question sparked in me a great moment of introspection which burst forth into a brilliant epiphanal conclusion: boys and girls are different. At least, I think the way they handle this question is drastically different.

In our society, as far as initiating relationships are concerned, the men still have most of the power. Most men who don’t date, don’t because they don’t want to. Most women, on the other hand, who don’t date either lack opportunities to date or are too choosy about who they date. Yes, there are oodles of exceptions out there, but that is still basically how our social system works.

This makes the big “elephant in the room” question much harder for a woman, because she might feel as though she’s ready, or wants something to happen, but feels powerless to actually make it happen (which may or may not be true).

But I will also make an argument on behalf of my gender, that we also feel the same weight of this question, but differently. What if I passed someone up I shouldn’t have? What if I passed my prime? What if I never find someone I feel compatible with? Is this a person I can love for the rest of my life (and into eternity, where applicable)? Can I really never look at another woman again?

I think the only remedy for these despair filled thoughts is to cast them out of our minds and focusing on just living our lives. Living in the present and projecting ourselves into the future is the only way to keep such thoughts from totally paralyzing you. (If I sound like a broken record, it’s because I’ve blogged about this before, too… There’s Only What You Do)

If you think about it, this was the main theme for part 1 as well… Just live your life, and the single thing will all work out.

My friend Lee once passed on the best advice he had ever heard on being single and finding a marriage (paraphrasing):

Do you believe the Lord knows you? Yes.
Do you believe He loves you? Yes.
Do you think He knows what’s best for you? Yes.
Do you think He can put the right person in your life at the right time for you? Of course.
Well, then relax, cause when it happens, it happens. You just have to get ready for it.

… And yes, despite my constant dodging of the issue, I have to admit that I am finally getting to the point where I might enjoy someone to share the rest of my life’s experiences with.

But I will say that when this single stuff is all said and done (which hopefully it will be someday), I won’t have regretted a moment of it. I have gotten to know amazing people I would have never known, had career opportunities I would have never taken otherwise, and gone on adventures I would have never anticipated if I weren’t single. I have had incredible freedom to become the person I want to become, shaped by the friends, family members, and clergy that I have surrounded myself with.

I am a little disturbed by the tone of despair that I hear in other singles’ conversations. I think some times we are so caught up in our ‘singleness’ that we forget how incredibly lucky we are. Sure, we all ‘want somebody to love’ as the songster wrote, but we shouldn’t ignore the fact that as singles we have the wind at our backs and nothing by possibilities in front of us.

I believe in marriage and family, but it’s no secret that having a spouse and kids at an early age is a lot to expect of someone, and a veritable ball-and-chain which limits the amount of risk your decision making can tolerate. In fact, for every person who has demanded ‘where is your wife?’ there has been someone else saying, ‘you know, I think you might be onto something – take your time and choose wisely.’

When all is said and done, I am right around the national average for people settling down and looking for a spouse. Even though I have never been satisfied with ‘average’ in most areas of my life, in this I think I am perfectly content to be right where I am.