1. Marriage and children have scrambled my brains and exhausted my powers of thought.

I DO feel more tired, and I certainly have fewer hours in the day.  I’m waking up at 6am and going to bed at 10pm or 11pm or sometimes 8:30pm.  I have few precious, peaceful hours which aren’t work hours – and  I just have other things to do with them than think of something interesting and blog about it.  I used to think in the car and in the shower, but now I use that time to just not think, since I seem to be doing thinking most of the rest of my day.

2. My universe has shrunk so much that I have little external stimulation to prompt blog topics.

One of the themes of my blog since I got engaged 3 years ago was that I could feel my world shrinking.

You know, they say, throughout your young adulthood that “the world is your oyster.”  You can become anything you want.  You can go wherever opportunity takes you.  You can sieze the moment.  You are free.

However, marriage, family, career, and church have brought all those vast horizons down to a very local circle of concern.  I interact with, on average, the same 25-50 people every week.  If it weren’t for Facebook and other online communications, I would have very little contact with friends from earlier in my life.

I think this change has been slightly numbing.  Dont’ get me wrong – I’m very happy and wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.  I love my wife and my son – they are the most important things in my life – and I’m so blessed to have such a great job and feel a part of a church community – but living in these chosen parameters has shrunken my exposure to expansive thoughts, new experiences, and groundbreaking changes in my life.  I’m solidly anchored with the full hand of cards I’ve been dealt, and it’s gonna take a while to play this hand out.

So since I feel very little change in my life (based on where I thought I’d go or do or be), I just don’t find much novelty to blog about.

3. I’ve grown bored with even my own rhetoric.

This one is scary, but I think I’ve grown too comfortable with how I think.  I’m no longer astounded when people don’t think like I do or agree with me, and it’s harder for me to get bent out of shape when things don’t go my way.  I don’t exercise my thought processes or challenge my own assumptions often enough to create any kind of epiphany or discovery in my own thinking.  (This is kind of sad now that I’ve typed it and read it, but I think it’s at least 80% honest and accurate)

4.  I don’t find it blog-worthy that my kid just figured out how to unroll the entire toilet paper roll onto the floor while I was in the shower this morning.

A cuter, “hip parent” version of me would take pictures of him in the mess, add it to his scrap book, and write him a letter about the event he could read later on – all awesome things, don’t get me wrong.  Me?  I’m just in ornery parent mode.  I just kind of cuss under my breath and clean it up rather than post it online and revel in the new discoveries.  The goal of my blogging was always to have larger appeal than just grandparents (though they’re probably the only ones reading this now – Hi Mom, Hi Dad.), but maybe I’m wrong here.  Maybe those types of discoveries are the flavor of life my blog has been lacking?

5.  I have to go to the bathroom more often.

As one ages, it becomes more important to have close proximity to a working restroom.  Twice during this post, I’ve had to visit the lavatory, and twice I’ve completely lost my train of thought by doing so.

Little reasons like this surely add up to why this blog isn’t quite as successful as it used to be.

6. I no longer obsess over TV shows.

American Idol was fun while it lasted, but it took a serious nose dive in Simon’s last season.  Deep down I will still love the talent-show-on-TV format and I will be opinionated and critical to the core, but I’m just not feeling like it’s worth following and critiquing any of those yahoos much anymore.

7. I’m not sure who my blog audience is anymore.

I think it’s mostly just family reading this blog now.  In my blogging heyday I had all kinds of strangers (friends of friends) reading this blog, too.  Heck, I had all kinds of hits from around the world.  Granted, most of them were from my top-ranked google keyword searches to posts like “top 10 most painful things” and “private island” and “wigwam song”.  (Don’t ask me why people are searching for a wigwam song online!)

So – I’m not sure what you people want to hear about, either.  Do you want me to bloviate about politics and national issues?  Do you want me to just share pictures and stories about our family vacations and funny things WEJr does?  Or do you want me to post more of my deep philosophies that I reserve the right to change at any time?  Should I go back to challenging topics and wrestling with the large issues of the universe?  Or do you not really care at all and you’ll commit to reading anything I post like some kind of blog-reading slave?  Or should I just close the blog and move on?

Post your comments and I’ll try to figure out a strategy moving forward…

I woke up, rolled over in bed and immediately thought – “Why am I this tired and sore?”  Granted, we had done some walking and some stressing on Saturday, but nothing that I thought merited my body feeling like it had been steamrolled through the night.

When I finally mustered the courage to roll my achy body onto my tentative legs (whew… they held up!), I caught a glimpse of my hairline in the mirror.  Yup – just as I thought – slightly thinner than yesterday.

After showering, I took a look at the state of my corporeal union.  Hmm – overall, no significant change since Saturday.  Final assessment: the battle line between overweight and B-roll-material-for-news-story-on-obesity was still raging, but I think I’m holding the line.

Yes – 30 has hit.

Looking back, it was a great decade.  I was a missionary for my church, I spent 3 great years in college, I worked as a stage manager, I started my own business, I worked as a graphic designer and usability expert, and bought my first home.  I travelled the world; Brazil, Italy, Canada, New York, California, North Carolina, Florida.  Above all, I got married and had my first child (well, I guess A2 did most of the work there).

If I had to give credit to someone, it’d have to be my parents.  They gave me every advantage they could to get me going in adulthood.  My parents gave me my first car (which I still drive today) and paid all my tuition expenses for school, but in even more important ways (and in ways they may not even know) they have been there to coach me along for the better part of the decade – making life decisions, career decisions, family decisions.  Some things I learned by example and others by direct counsel.

This week was especially taxing, because for two weeks now we’ve been struggling with a dying car.  For some reason, undiagnosable by any area mechanic, A2′s car decided it wanted to start stalling for no reason, even while going at full speed down the road.  (What ever happened to Honda engines being able to run forever if you just put oil and gas into them?) We basically got to the point where we were deciding whether to enter the car market, or just start testing theories by fixing things – a potentially expensive way to try and get a 13 year old car to keep running.  After weeks of test driving every sedan on the market, and coaxing every dollar we felt like we could afford out of savings, the auditor-wife approved purchasing a new (used) car.

I feel like this purchase, as stressful as it was, completed my entry into 30 year old territory.  I had managed, for my entire life, to put off ever purchasing a car.  Being the son of a very capable car person and a brother to a ASE certified mechanic, cars were really always taken care of.  The events of the past two weeks, however, have allowed me to pass through that helpless feeling of laying out a ton of money on a depreciating asset that I’ve grown dependent on and also taken for granted for the last 10 years.  Yes, I now feel the entire weight of my life on squarely on my own shoulders – and so far, I’m still holding up.

What’s to come in my 30′s?  Expanding the family?  Paying off the house?  Change of career?  More world travels?  Who can know!?!  Either way, I’m excited for the ride.  If it’s even 1/8 as exciting as my twenties, it will be a decade for the record books!

The internet is a great place to pick a fight for nerds like me.  (I would say us, but I didn’t want to speak for you, Stallion)  I’ve been pretty good with words for most of my life, but never very good at fighting in real life.  In real fighting, I usually let my temper get the best of me and I end up making a fool out of myself, which tends to end up in just laughter.  Online fighting, however, favors those who can carefully (and quickly) type a few words or phrases that pack a nice zing.

However, I must be careful to use my powers for good and not evil… (right, wifey?)

Most of my online ‘fights’ are really just intellectual exercises; opportunities to see if I can reason my way through an argument.  Sometimes, I even purposefully take the other side of an argument just to see if I can make the case.  Call me bizarre, but it’s how I get my jollies.

Here is a recent spat I got into in the comments of the Rachel Maddow YouTube video where she takes Rand Paul to task.  I was gearing up for a good fist-to-cuffs, but “Poonard” put the final button on it that was too good to try and improve on.  To set this up, you should know that I was responding to commenters who were saying that Maddow took Paul to task based solely on a “philosophical” argument, and not practical governance:

Since he asked me to email him my thoughts on the subject (well, not me personally – he asked all his readers – but I take my assignments from Mr. Coppins very seriously), I obliged.  I was somewhat surprised by my own findings as I talked about the subject.  Here is my response to him.

I’m Definitely For It

I, personally, don’t have a problem with cosmetic surgery. I say “cosmetic” because “plastic” surgery has become a sort of derogatory term in our culture.

Cosmetic surgery is not just about breast augmentation anymore. I think many LDS would be surprised if they stopped to consider all the cosmetic procedures they have either had or have considered. These procedures include LASIK surgery to lose their glasses or contacts, eyelid surgery to improve sight and appearance as we live longer, or even an unsightly mole removal.

Even those who don’t go under the knife of a medical doctor might be surprised to consider how many cosmetic procedures they do on their own quite often: eyebrow plucking, teeth whitening, even getting a hair cut – could all be considered cosmetic surgeries.

The line has been terribly blurred between health and cosmetics. In fact, most people exercise for a cosmetic reason (to look good) and only see the health benefit as secondary.

And is there an important component to doing what you can for your emotional health as well?  Yes, there is truth to: “look good, feel good.”  We certainly believe in showering, shaving, and smelling nice.

Yesterday I went to my dentist and, after a thorough cleaning and examination, he declared my teeth healthy. Success!

He then went on to suggest ways in which we might ‘enhance’ my smile. He suggested porcelain veneers to close the “David Letterman” gap in my front teeth as well as bonding and veneers to repair a small chip and straighten out my bottom teeth. Obviously, none of these prosthetics were going to be for my overall oral health. I didn’t immediately dismiss them, though, and have seriously considered whether I want such work done.

But Maybe I’m Against It.

After 24 hours of thought, I don’t think I’ll be doing any of his suggestions. Why? Well, I think it goes to why people should reconsider any cosmetic surgery….

1) Maintenance. Any cosmetic surgery that you undergo will inevitably need to be maintained or enhanced at some point. This equates to more trips to the doctor, more expense, and more stress past the initial procedure.

2) Pride. I feel no need to improve those features, and changing them would be an indication that I don’t like them and appreciate them the way they are. I kind of like my David Letterman gap, and I don’t really feel a compelling need to make my bottom teeth look perfect. I figure I’m going to use and take care of what God gave me, and then if that isn’t enough to last me a lifetime, I will turn to man and his wisdom to help me through the rest.

3) Cost. Cosmetic surgeries are rarely covered by insurance and are costly to have and maintain.

4) Decay. Most cosmetic procedures are naturally reversed over time. Eyesight will decay again (but now you have huge, irreversible slits cut into your eyes) even if you get LASIK, and you will need glasses again. Without change to your lifestyle and eating habits, even the most drastic gastric bypass doesn’t hold the power to keep you from regaining weight.

To expound on #3 a bit more: I heard this story on NPR this week, which really got me thinking. The story was of a paraplegic with Spinal Muscular Atrophe.  His conclusion seems to be that sometimes what is “wrong” with us turns out to be what defines us:

I can see that being able to do more physically would be helpful. I’d like to be a little less dependent on other people and machinery. But when I try to picture myself stripped of my disability, it leaves me feeling cold and lost. … Yes, I know I wouldn’t be here without scientific progress.

Yet I can’t help having a mental block against medicalizing disability. It just doesn’t square with my particular form of disability pride. After all, if you dream of a cure, aren’t you saying we’re not okay as we are? And if we focus on medical fixes, don’t we risk misdirecting our energies away from the external inequities that we can and must end: the barriers of architecture, attitudes and economics that truly handicap us.

Perhaps this is a healthy way to cope with everything from WhiteEyebrows to Spinal Muscular Atrophe!!

Yes, I realized that I had a little in common with this guy.  Not saying that having white eyebrows is anywhere near the burden that he carries, but saying that we both have chosen to define ourselves by what makes us unique, different, and special – not waste our lives wishing it was different and hoping to change it.

While we should avoid pride to think we can cope with all our physical problems by ourselves, and that since God made us that way he doesn’t want us to be happier or have a resolution to our chronic condition – maybe, though, we should put a little more energy into accepting ourselves the way we are.

Conclusion

I think we should live, and live well, using all the tools of modern medicine we have developed.  But I also can see how unhealthy, unchecked attitudes and expectations toward cosmetic surgeries can only lead to more disappointment down the road.

We have way too many examples of that:

Conclusion?  Building a habitat home is not as hard as building a cabin with your family.  My Dad has built cabins, sheds, and other structures, and I’ve often been one of his helpers.  I’ve sheet rocked and insulated my heart out… and that is hard work!  Helping to clean up the yard and cutting trim for windows was a cake walk.

All in all, though, it was a rewarding experience and a GREAT day off from staring at the fabric walls of my cubicle.

Nice house!

Me Working Hard

Siesta!

FavUnc recently put a new, more powerful prop on the boat, which made us all optimistic that it might have enough power to pull my fat rear out of the water on a slalom ski, a feat which hasn’t been accomplished since I was 17 years old and 50 lbs lighter.

I was set, the throttle was gunned, the rope tightened, the water coursed past me and the ski, and in the very moment when I was to come out of the water, a sharp pain coursed through my right hamstring muscle, and several curse words might have slipped through my lips…

Yup.  I pulled the sucker good!

It hurts like a mutha!!  Stairs are particularly painful, and any kind of lateral movement. Backward/forward movement (general walking) isn’t too bad, but I am limping a bit.  (Probably just for sympathy)

Sadly, this might be a season ending injury.  Hopefully I will get one or two more shots to get up on that ski, but we’ll just have to see.

Meanwhile, at least I had an excuse why I couldn’t go out walking with my wife at 6am this morning…

We all have a case of the Summer Blogging Blahs (or SBB for short).

This isn't her, but this is a good example of a Milk Coma in full force!

Last night I held my newest niece for the first time, and as she nestled into my arms and chest, slipping into the milk-induced post-feeding coma, I couldn’t help but look at her eyes; struggling to stay open.  They were little slits opening and closing in perpetual slow-motion.

This is exactly how we all feel, in my opinion.  We aren’t fresh and alive as we might feel after a restful night’s sleep.  Our brains aren’t thinking on all cylinders.  We are struggling to put together coherent thoughts, and trying to just make it through these dog days of summer.

Yesterday on the radio, I heard a report that lab tests on rats have confirmed that only a few straight days of eating a high fat diet actually makes you dumber.  In other words; you are more lethargic, more prone to making mistakes, less in tune with your surroundings, and more apt to just fall over and sleep.

I think that is also true with heat and the summer season.  We barely have the energy to just make it through the stuff we have to do.

When I log into my reader every morning, it appears that at least half of my blogging friends all decided to just take a summer hiatus from blogging.  This is probably a good thing.  It helps refresh their writing style, and when they come back, hopefully they will come back stronger than when they left… if they come back at all…

In the meantime, enjoy this – the one and only blog you have to read today.

July was a WEAK blogging month, maybe my weakest in years!  I am sorry if you came to the blog more than a few times and just saw the same-old thing you saw the last time.  I will spend more effort this month and try to spice things up a bit.

I know you rely on this blog for your intellectually challenging, yet entertaining stuff.

I will do better.

The above image is a 3d model of our backyard that I made using Google Sketch-up almost 3 years ago.  The goal was to design the world’s best, coolest back yard!  As you can see, three years later, it’s still a blank slate.

I have always wanted our back yard to become a beautiful outdoor oasis where we can spend all spring and fall, and maybe even a summer’s day (with misters?),  but I lack a real plan.  Or a fake plan.  I lack any plan at all.  And since I have no definite plan to work towards, and haven’t won any game shows, contests, or sweepstakes to afford to do it all at one time (yes, I’ve tried!), then nothing has been done.

I DO have ideas!  I know I want to have a large patio with room for a table, chairs, and my grill.  I know I want to have some kind of patio cover/shade.  I know I want to have more beds and less grass to mow.  I’d like a little fireplace/pit for the winter, and misters for the summer.  I’d like speakers and maybe even a TV (or at least the connections to make one happen).  People tell me I’d also need to leave room for children to “play”… whatever that means.

I’ve even floated a crazy idea by my wife… to replace the entire backyard with a pool!  No more back yard mowing!  But she’s not biting off on that one…

Then I have problems to solve.  One narrow side of my house won’t grow grass, and I need a place to put the garbage cans where they can still be easily wheeled to the curb.  I need things that are low maintenance, and something that will help us enjoy  year-round fun outside.

Ok.  So there’s the status.  Now, I ask you (dear, faithful readers), what am I to do next?  How do I make my dream oasis a reality?  We’re not moving  from this home any time in the near future, so I’m open to any kind of long term plans.  Do I have any amateur landscape designers reading who’d love to take on my project?  Anyone want to come be free labor?  I’m open to all possibilities.

I regret to inform you that after further consideration, I will have to retract my call to action yesterday.  As of now, the Men’s LIberation movement has been cancelled until further notice.

In case you are asking yourself, “why is he taking this action?”  I will explain.

Last night as my wife and I were going to bed, (once again assigned to the north (“that”) side of the bed) I was informed of all of the ways my wife was going to support me in my movement.  These included:

1. Fishing mangled measuring spoons out of the food disposal.
2. Clubbing or otherwise confronting any intruder that might come into our home with whatever weapon I can handily find.
3. Blaming me for any screwed up children we might raise.

… and the list went on.

I am here to say, perhaps women are too strong for our movement?  Perhaps are catching on too quickly, reading our offense too easily, and maybe the pendulum will swing too far in the other direction.

So it is with regret that I withdraw my movement back to the confines of my overly-emotional Man-Brain and allow men everywhere to recede into the stereotype if they so choose.

Sincerely,
WhiteEyebrows, Men’s Issues Activist

P.S. I might have made up the one about our future screwed up children.

We’ve talked and teased about not having assigned sides of the bed quite often.  It’s one of our favorite running jokes.  But last night it particularly struck my funny bone.  So in the heat of the tease, I then assigned her the task of going to turn off the bathroom light, checking all the doors, and making sure the garage door was closed if she was going to be sleeping on the man’s side of the bed.  She responded by turning on the patented female pouty face and started carrying on about being scared of the dark and scared to lock things and shut things.

Baloney.

Sure… the woman can sleep on my side of the bed, but didn’t want my job of walking through and ensuring the security of the domicile?!?  Suddenly, she was uncomfortable with those tasks so often assigned to me!!

After performing my nightly security duty and returning to bed, being on the side I slept in last night, she reached for the remote control to turn the bedroom light off, which is where I drew the line.

“This remote is the man’s property.  All remotes should be operated by a man properly trained in man school,” I insisted.

I commandeered the remote, performed the light-shut-down procedure, and we passed out into blissful slumber.

But it brings up a larger issue I’ve been mulling over for a while…

Women’s Liberation

I love women.  And I love the fact that women today are stronger, smarter, and more capable than ever before.  Women are surpassing men in the level of education they attain, and will soon surpass them in the quality and level of work they do.  Women can do everything!  They have burned bras, broken through glass ceilings, and assumed whatever roles and responsibilities they wanted.  Women have the power!  Many have been amazing single mothers, providers, and nurturers: all wrapped into one.

Congratulations to the Women’s Movement!  Nice work!  You have produced a great product!

I have a problem, though: the fact that women (and society at large) keep labeling men as lazy, dumb, incapable, unchallenged, and basically the lowest being of society.  According to stereotype, the modern man sits at home doing nothing but playing PlayStation, drinking beer, and memorizing sports scores.

Obviously, this is a stereotype, but one which you are carefully forcing the emerging generation into!  The movement has lowered men to second class citizens.  The movement has generated the feeling that men are no longer necessary anymore, as women can pretty much do everything except asexually reprouce. (and trust me, I think they’re working on that one)

I’m here today to say: Ladies, you can’t have your cake and eat it too!  If you want men to be useful, engaged, and worthwhile to you, then you can’t go and take away the few things we actually do and are good at, and then mock us for being useless.  All I’m saying is: Let us cook meat on a grill, pound in nails, and reach the out-of-reach places.  Acknowledge and be grateful for the men in your life who kill humongous spiders, walk through a dark house to check the locks, or change your flat tire.

I’m happy to let you be as successful and wonderful and educated and marvelous.  I will help you succeed all you want.  I will even let you do as many ‘guy’ things as you want.  If you want to kill the spiders instead, go right ahead… but then don’t complain because Men don’t do anything when you’ve taken away every chance of him actually doing anything.

And certainly don’t pretend you get some kind of preferential, soft treatment in your liberated state.  If you want to live in the man’s world, you get the WHOLE ENCHILADA!  Spiders, flat tires, and bad plumbing included.  These items don’t go away just because you want them to.  Similarly, don’t go into the workplace expecting that you’ll get a padded chair on the bullet train to the corner office, just because of your gender.  You get to experience all the beautiful politics and crappy treatment that the rest of us get.

So men of the Internets… I propose a new movement!  The Men’s Liberation Movement.  We have granted our female counterparts the right and ability to do whatever they want – work, kill spiders, etc.  They have taken it, and have now proven we are no longer needed.  We now need to take our liberty.  As long as she doesn’t need you or anything you do, just lock yourself into a room with a large-screen television, sufficient pork rinds to last you a week, and the newest Madden season.

Soon, they will see.  They will all be driving around cars with 10,000 miles and no oil job, lawns that are never mowed, and perpetually clogged toilets.

Then they’ll realize how much they really needed us.

* For the record, I write this post coming from the perspective of a man who truly does feel like his wife acknowledges and values his contributions — even if they are stupid, like locking locks and closing garage doors.  I’m writing this as an overall societal observation, not because I feel this way in my particular relationship. In fact, it’s quite the opposite!

What do you think?  Should we do it?

• Take the money and run.
  Most parents I have talked to have no problem with (and in some cases encouraged) their kids eloping… as long as they invite their family.  Many even offer to give their kids the money they would have spent on the wedding to start their life.  My advice?  Take the money and run! You don’t need a big wedding.  In fact, after you get about halfway through the planning, it all starts feeling kind of self-indulgent and creepy.  If we were to do it over, we would have nixed most of the brouhaha, had the ceremony, and just had a family dinner or something.
• Manage Expectations
  All of your friends and family have different expectations of what a wedding ought to be and whose wedding it is.  I can’t count how many people have told me who exactly I should be pleasing, on what level I should be involved, etc.  I was told that it was the bride’s wedding. I was told it was our wedding.  I was told it was our mothers’ weddings.  I was told it was our entire family’s wedding.  Everyone has a different perspective, and everyone likes to share it, and everyone thinks theirs is right.
• Work your contacts and call in favors.
  We saved a grundle of money by using the ‘hook ups’ we had accumulated throughout our life.  Be careful to not sacrifice quality for convenience or cheapness, though.  If you do use your contacts, make sure you will get the value, and make sure it’s not an imposition.  Avoid anything that’s free.  Usually with free, you get exactly what you pay for.
• Avoid the wedding tax.
  Anything with the word “Wedding” in front of it immediately costs double or triple what it should cost.  You can save money by using a photographer, printer, caterer, decorator, and retailers who don’t just specialize in weddings.
• Start early and plan enough time.
  I thought three months was oodles of time to plan and execute a wedding.  Turns out, many dresses can take over 5 months to order, make, and ship.  And this is just the dress.  Pictures, invites, etc all take time.  It requires careful planning, ordering, and project management skillz.
• Do stuff yourself, but don’t underestimate the effort required.
  Since I’m a graphic designer, I wanted to do our invitation myself.  I found a printer, worked up a style, and my fiance and I designed it together.  What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was the time it would take to assemble, address, stamp, lick, mail, and actually finish the deed.  We spent a few very late nights making it all happen.

• Keep the number of people you are paying to a minimum.
  If you can get someone you are already paying to do more than one thing, do it.  The more people you bring into the mix, the more you will pay overall (every person has their premium just to show up and be involved).  After you’ve paid someone to be involved, adding more to their plate is usually just a small incremental expense compared to bringing a whole new person into the picture.
• Invest in a photographer.
  You want good pictures, and in this day where everyone with a digital SLR thinks they are a professional photographer, you will be sorely disappointed if you get an amateur.  A professional knows how to use their camera better, and knows how to make you look good.
• Stay busy.
  There is always something to do for the wedding.  Putting stuff off will just make it worse down the line.  Make decisions early, and stick to your plans.  Be decisive.  Don’t change your mind.  We started with the goal that we  (or our immediate family) would not be doing any last minute stressing, planning, or executing.  It cost us a little more to farm out the decor and such, but it was ultimately worth not having to hassle.
• Show me the money.
  It’s amazing how fast things add up.  I would say that the key here is to remember that at the end of the day this is your (you+spouse) money and wedding.  The money isn’t coming out of thin air to make this happen, even if your parents are helping.  The more you spend on it, the less you’ll have after it.  This goes for everything from the engagement through to the honeymoon.  Don’t spend all your savings (or go into debt) to put on a faerie tale wedding, because starting your marriage broke or in debt is no way to start!!
• Keep it real.
  Many people have these wild expectations of what their wedding will be.  Take your wildest dreams and cut them in half.  That is what you’re wedding will be.  Get used to telling yourself no.  Remember, this is only one day of your life, and most of it you won’t even notice or enjoy.  Focus on making the wedding special for your guests, rather than making everything for you.  The thing that will make it special is not the colors, the food, the cake, or the carriage.  What will make it special is the friends and family you’ll share it with.
• Prepare for an emotional breakdown
  People put way too much stock in weddings, and as such – someone will have a break down: you, your fiance, your mother… someone.  Just know it will happen.  And when it does happen, just breathe and let the emotion pass.
• Sit back and enjoy
  When the day comes, be the example of poise, grace, and relaxation.  If you are relaxed and enjoying the day, everyone else will too.  If you are uptight and upset, everyone else will follow.  Everyone is watching you and enjoying your big moment, so give them what they came for.  Be graceful and happy, and just enjoy cloud 9 while you’re on it.  For pity’s sake, loosen up too.
• The Best is Yet to Come
  After spending all the time and energy to plan and execute your wedding, take a minute to enjoy it, and then get on to the best part.  The honeymoon.  Up until this point, you’ve been dealing with a plethora of personalities, passions, emotions, and people.  The honeymoon is so great because you can just relax and enjoy the company of your new spouse with no outside interactions, no expectations, and no interruptions.  It’s the only time in my life I’ve been successfully left alone for an entire week.  It was absolute bliss.  So any time you get frustrated by the wedding planning, just keep that honeymoon in mind.  It doesn’t matter if you’re going to the end of the earth or to a local hotel, you will have the distinct opportunity to fall off the face of the earth for as long as you want, and no one will fault you for it.  Brilliant!

While at Braums, one other person came over to us and introduced themselves, asking what congreagation we were from.  We said we were from the Dallas 11th Ward, but would be moving to the Wylie 2nd Ward soon.  They were estatic… and asked us to join them – two couples who had gone together to the same meeting.

They apologized for ignoring us, but I said – “no it’s OK – we are used to being in our own little world.”

As I was sitting there enjoying my 1/3lb nastily delicious hamburger with our new-found friends, it hit me like a ton of bricks… we are hanging out with MARRIED people!

Weird!!!

I suddenly hit panic mode, and my fiance could see it in my face.  I thought, “You’re not single, I don’t know how to relate to you!!!”

It’s kind of the same as graduating from 8th grade, and going to the big bad high school as a Freshman.  Everyone else seems SO much older and more advanced than you, but they look at you and think – that was me just yesterday.  I mean, I have been very happy and comfortable for many years as the older-than-average single guy in a singles congregation.  I’ve learned how to play my cards, be involved, and still do my own thing.

I’m in uncharted waters now.

One married couple, friends from singledom who we went on our first ‘couples date’ with, warned us; you think you’re done dating after you get married, but you’re not.   You begin dating other couples.  They have some incredibly hilarious, long, drawn out stories about this that I won’t even begin to try and retell (I can’t do it justice!), but suffice it to say that in just a few years of marriage, they’ve already had everything from blessed unions to sad misunderstandings to nasty break ups!

The good news?  Well, even as my universe keeps shrinking around myself, my fiance, and our future life – I see a broadening on the horizon, and perhaps new relationships ahead.

A few credits:

• TLS for the constant comments and the blog takeover on special occasions
• Tio and Mom for the nagging IM’s: “No blog today…”
• FavUnc for not caring about American Idol so much
• MRN for all of the proofreading and spelling corrections
• My HP DL320 server for staying up when there’s electricity, and turning itself back on after there’s a power outage.
• FavCuz for encouraging my early American Idol blogs so much (which drove me to do this)
• Blog stalkers everywhere for constantly checking in, but never having the guts to comment.
• Google for forwarding me all sorts of interesting search traffic on people looking for treatment of their white eyebrows.
• Oh, and to Google for Analytics.  Bless you.
• WordPress for supplying an awesome blog platform – and the many plugin developers…
• all my readers who have not gotten sick of me yet.
• all my readers (who aren’t reading this) who did get sick of me.
• my stylist, manicurist, masseuse, short order cook, gardener, trash man, and mail man.
• the universe.

Now for a special 400th post celebratory video!

Here is some rarely-seen footage of me singing one of my favorite musicals: “The Sound of Music.”  This was one of the first musicals I fell in love with as a kid, and I especially loved the song “Climb Every Mountain” which is sung by Mother Superior, the aged Reverend Mother of Maria’s convent. (I was fascinated by her vibrato and double chin.)

On special occasions… you might catch me singing her song… in her octave…