All kidding aside (the earlier post on the 6 month anniversary), I guess I will wax philosophical and discuss a few things that have changed in the last year since I’ve been engaged and married.
The universe is shrinking.
Ever since I got married, I felt my world completely shrink around its most immediate components: my wife and my work. I really only work because I have to. I would be completely satisfied to just spend 100% of my time with my wife, as we’ve proven with the few vacations we’ve taken this year.
I think I might be a little sick in the head, but I really can’t get enough of her. I want to be with her all the time.
We do everything together. We go to the store together, we do dinner, parties, church… EVERYTHING is together. No one has to stay home with the kid. No one has to get something else done. We drop everything just to be together almost every night.
I missed having other friendships at first. Before I got married I always told myself that I wouldn’t let marriage change the fact that I had friends before I was married and enjoyed their company too. I even tried to organize a few parties or game nights with my single friends, but either they were too busy or not interested in hanging out with a bunch of obsessed married people. Which–and here’s the kicker–is totally OK with me. I still like them and miss them, but my world has not come crashing down, because my whole universe revolves around one person.
It kind of sounds unhealthy when I put it that way, but there it is.
I work harder, but am lazier.
We’ve figured out stuff. I cook. She mows. I edge the lawn. She does the dishes. She starts the laundry, I finish the laundry. She volunteers me to sing at Young Women in Excellence, and I volunteer her to single-handedly entertain 80 primary children on the 5th Sunday. She accuses me of not scrubbing the toilets the last time I did the bathrooms, and I totally deflect because I KNOW I ran the cleaner out on the last go-round.
It seems like we are able to accomplish more as a team. I think our synergy is pretty good. We are definitely more consistent, just because there are two of us looking at the yard, dishes, and pile of laundry – and usually someone finally says “ugh.. let’s get this done.” At the same time, though, I get to be twice as lazy because every job is half as hard as it was when I was single.
She weeds the flower beds, I kill the cockroach in the garage.
It’s a great partnership.
I need my extended family less.
This one really surprised me. I wasn’t anticipating this. I started noticing it after my cousins (who live close) started saying “we never see you anymore.” When I tried to point out the last time I’d been there (and failed), I knew something was up. I just naturally gravitated away from them. I didn’t need them as much, because I had my wife.
What surprised me the most, though, was when we’d go visit family or family came to visit us. No longer was I flitting from person to person, making the clipboard-of-fun happen and keeping everyone engaged and having a good time. I was simply content to be with my wife.
When it came time for family to leave, I was sad to see them go, but also slightly relieved to see them go. While I enjoy their visits, I’d really rather just hang out with my wife all the time.
I know–sounds unhealthy again, huh.
Getting married has changed everything, even the stuff I thought should not change has changed. And it’s all been changes for the better.
Will the pendulum swing back the other way? Maybe. Will we, with the prospect of children, work, and other external factors be constantly pulled away from spending every waking hour together? Probably.
But I think this part of being married has been important. Solidifying our relationship, sharing everything, and spending time as if we were dating, whether healthy or not, has been what my soul desired.
I suppose we’ll wait on the next big change. But for now, I’m just happy to write on this blog that I’m–