A Fixer Upper

A Fixer UpperEven new houses have problems. This is what I have discovered in the first 2 years of living in my new house. Foundations and concrete heaves and shifts, sheet rock nail pops happen, residues and funny smells abound, and everything that was weakly constructed will break at some point.

Women, sit down here for a second and lets have a chat. In the last 25 years or so, you have finally come to an understanding of a phenomenon of your gender, that you tend to look past the flaws of a man and marry them based on potential, rather than their current state. Phrases such as “women marries man hoping he’ll change, and man marries women hoping she never will” and “careful women, you can’t change him” have become staple sentiments of our dating ideology.

No wonder people are waiting longer and longer to get married. Men are now expected to have it more together, to have all the partying out of their system, and to be mature… pshht. You long surpassed us in the maturity area starting at age 12, but that’s another post altogether.

This has led me to the conclusion: Women, realize that every man is a fixer upper. Granted, there are men who are more fixer uppers than others. There are some who should be downright avoided, and some abusive behaviors that can’t be fixed. Avoid those for sure. But, you need to realize that there’s no such thing as a Bisquick marraige (just add woman), and that the man you want to marry will most definitely require your guiding hand in refining his personality, habits, and behaviors.

Men… to quote the philosopher Hinckley, “the woman you choose will take a great chance on you.” So don’t be an idiot. Don’t mess with her. Somehow you have duped her into marrying you, now it’s time to pay the piper. If you absolutely trust that she has your best interest at heart, and if you listen to her, she will make you a better person.

So my conclusion is, yes, marry people based on their potential, but more importantly marry people based on their potential for change. If you share common goals and hopes for the future, and you are both flexible to each other’s wills, maybe it just might work out.

There is no more redefining moment in your life than a marriage, so just how will it define the rest of your life?

2 thoughts on “A Fixer Upper”

  1. I agree Sam!
    Scott often will say things to me like, can you believe _____ has happened? Can you believe I already have accomplished _____? Can you imagine us in _____spot already? And brings them up in sheer disbelief and amazement. I am always deep down surprised with this. I tell him, yeah, I thought you probably would. That’s because I saw it in the cards; I saw it in him. I mean, you marry potential — ok you marrry the person but especially before they have graduated, gotten a “real” job, decided major life decisions, you really also marry the hope in the potential of the person.

    I have decided that hope is what keeps a lot of things alive, but hope definitely keeps a marriage alive. Hope that you will love forever, hope that will have time to travel in retirement, hope that you can raise (somewhat normal?) children together… etc…. Scott says that he is what he is cause of me.. I usually disagree with him; sounds too cheesy and gives me too much credit. But I think it is true that who you marry decides many (if not most) things about who you will be and become. If that weren’t true then how can you really be “one” as the scriptures say?

    I think it’s the number one thing you can look for in a spouse. The desire and ability to be humble enough to evolve and change together. It is harder than it sounds, but will lead to better things in the end!

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