When in Rome…

lighted-road-sign-prepare-to-be-annoyed-255x300We drove 981 miles from Dallas to Denver over the Thanksgiving holiday.  I drove all of it, which means I am now intimately too familiar with every mile of road between here and the mile-high city.  Please allow me to share some of my findings:

Guilt-Trip Anyone?

Kansas wins by having the weirdest road signs.  Every few exits there would be another billboard condemning abortion or praising Jesus.  It must be really awkward to be an atheist and to drive through Kansas.  Heck, I’m a Christian and it was kind of awkward for me…

Kansas is also the king of the roadside point of interest dis-interest.  You know, those brown road signs which try to lure you off the freeway to some off-the-beaten-path site of some important historical event or museum?  My favorite was the “Kansas Underground Salt Museum”.  DO HUH?  A museum celebrating underground salt?  Why don’t I celebrate above ground salt and have some BBQ instead!

Our Cross is Bigger Than Your Cross

Oklahoma is the land of absurdly large crosses.  There is one particular cross on the north end of Oklahoma City that is just gigantic.  I remember when I lived in small-town Oklahoma, each church was adorned with a slightly larger cross than their competition friends.  It’s as if we’d forget Jesus if we didn’t have these huge reminders dotting the landscape…

Trashy Hotels

Is there no hotel between Oklahoma City and Denver that has been renovated in the last 10 years?  Does everyone who travels said distance smoke and spill coffee on the floor?  We had some luck with staying at the Holiday Inn Express in Salina.  At least the room was clean, but the bed was uncomfortable and the furnishings were less than stellar.  Staying in Wichita was absurdly gross, though.  We looked at 4 hotels, all which were in varying degrees of slum.  Finally we just lowered expectations and crashed somewhere we could get points.


Since when did Colorado become a hotbed for political opinion?  The road signs, TV commercials, and even conversation seems extra-political these days.  Leaving Colorado there was an especially creative sign right before the “Now leaving Colorado” sign which said “Now leaving Taxorado”.

Narcoleptic Dogs and Conclusions

All in all, it was a good trip.  My favorite part was when I tried to get creative in a pick-up game of charades.  Trying to best people who were just simply sticking to the category “pets”, I tried to throw in an adjective and do a “narcoleptic dog.”  Unfortunately, my narcolepsy led to injury as I fell on my rib cage wrong and bruised a rib.  Don’t ask me how.  I’ve been in pain for almost a week now.

Conclusions?  What did I learn from my Thanksgiving vacation?

If you can, just drive through OK, KS, and CO with your eyes closed, and try not to injure yourself when pretending to be a canine with a disability.

3 thoughts on “When in Rome…”

  1. Did you stop and see the 5 legged cow? As far as the motels, you might as well just stay in the cheapest ones you can find. If you’re going to get the same thing whether you pay $100 or $30, you might as well save the $70. And we’ve found that some of the cheapest ones still have the fridge and microwaves, whereas the expensive ones make you pay if you crack open the bottled water they left for you and there’s no fridge. You might get a “free” breakfast, but you could get a pretty sweet breakfast for less than $70 too. It’s time to lower your standards…

  2. The route from Dallas to Denver is not a scenic one, but I would not let that bias your opinion of OK, KS & CO. There are some picturesque places, but they’re off the beaten path or different sections of interstate.

    The salt mines are where they store Hollywood firm originals & other valuables that require a controlled environment. I actually prefer the Cosmosphere museum instead. It has an SR-71 built into the lobby & a ton more space program artifacts than they have at NASA in Houston (minus the huge Saturn rocket).

    If you need to stop at a hotel along the way, I’ve found this one to have comfortable beds, clean space & a reasonable price. (Fairfield Inn in Wichita East) https://www.marriott.com/reservation/availability.mi?isSearch=true&propertyCode=ICTFI

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.