Recently I received a very interesting letter in the mail:

AARP Card

I am the first 26 year old to be admitted to the Association for the Advancement of Retired People!!!

At first I was a little insulted… I mean, how could they get my birthdate wrong by over 40 years! Then I realized, wait… maybe this isn’t so bad after all:

  1. I can notify the Social Security office of my new age, and start receiving benefits.
  2. I can sleep in late or go to bed early without anyone thinking I was lazy.
  3. I can get a discount on pretty much everything anywhere I go.
  4. I can get special benefits on special days of the week.
  5. I can compete in athletic events in the Senior division and smoke my competition.
  6. I can be ornery about cold french fries, complain about local politics and exacerbate neighborhood issues.
  7. I can play games like bridge, backgammon, shuffleboard, and bingo without having to look sporty or ultra competitive.
  8. I can skip children and go straight to grandchildren.
  9. I can get me a sweet part time job for some “mad money” I can use to cruise the ‘vard and pick up chicks.
  10. I can go on Letterman as the youngest old guy in America!

Yes. I could get used to this life! AARP will have no clue what hit ’em!

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2 Responses to Retirement: Here I come!

  1. ryan ricks says:

    NO FAIR. I am older than you. I want to retire!

  2. Annike says:

    And most important of all, woman love cranky old men! They are so cute! You could get some strange-but-interesting-and-not-a-little-bit-creepy dates out of this!

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