Recently I received a very interesting letter in the mail:
I am the first 26 year old to be admitted to the Association for the Advancement of Retired People!!!
At first I was a little insulted… I mean, how could they get my birthdate wrong by over 40 years! Then I realized, wait… maybe this isn’t so bad after all:
- I can notify the Social Security office of my new age, and start receiving benefits.
- I can sleep in late or go to bed early without anyone thinking I was lazy.
- I can get a discount on pretty much everything anywhere I go.
- I can get special benefits on special days of the week.
- I can compete in athletic events in the Senior division and smoke my competition.
- I can be ornery about cold french fries, complain about local politics and exacerbate neighborhood issues.
- I can play games like bridge, backgammon, shuffleboard, and bingo without having to look sporty or ultra competitive.
- I can skip children and go straight to grandchildren.
- I can get me a sweet part time job for some “mad money” I can use to cruise the ‘vard and pick up chicks.
- I can go on Letterman as the youngest old guy in America!
Yes. I could get used to this life! AARP will have no clue what hit ’em!