American Idol – Top 6 Reviews

Simon Cowell Jr, here. Posting one more reaction to a night of Ghastly singing my grandmother would have gouged her eyes out to hear.

bottom to top this week:

1. Kellie, Kellie, Kellie… are you trying to get kicked off the show? No… i’m not sure you’re smart enough to do that. Well, 2 weeks in a row of bad, bad singing. I think you’re hosed cutie. Go back to your grandpa and the farm and the cows and chickens… oh wait you have no farm, cows or chickens… so just go back to grandpa.

2. Taylor: nice suit. I still think you are not having fun anymore. Something happened to you about 3 or 4 weeks ago and ever since you have not been the same. Maybe you should have tried dying your hair. Its too late to do it now, you’ll be branded a sell out and an attention getter, but maybe that what you need for a taylor renaissance if you get through this week!

3. Paris: you picked a boring song and you oversang it. Push push push. However, I did like the bouncy spunky hairdo back again. Thanks for taming your look a bit. I was a bit blackandwhited out by your oufit . It was very monochrome. You need color. You also do something with your head and face… something your mom probably did to you all the time that you’ve picked up. Its like this nodding approving yup kind of nod. It can be cute, but it is a little grandma-ish. Anyone else see that?

4. Elliot: I’m not sure where the best best best thing is coming from. You have a nice voice, but you don’t have a distinctive style. The judges must be seeing something from 10 feet away that I’m not from 15 feet away (and some times 3 inches away wiht that stupid boom camera that everyone feels they have to sing to as it passes in front of their faces)

5. Chris: I love that you got schooled by Andrea bocelli. Sure you don’t have to be a classical singer, but take a note… if you think you can go on tour and scream scream scream your voice out every night, you will last about 2 weeks and 3 major elevation changes. Just my 2 cents. I really like how you keep incorporating band members onstage in your number. I think its classy, helps keep you at ease, and helps to fill that chasm of a stage. You’re still the presumptive winner.

6 Kathrine: I too padded the vote (angie, stealing my voting practices) for you. The judges went overboard. Yeah… there were probably 10 other songs you should have chosen. History says that ANY time you do a whitney song for Randy and Simon they will shoot you down. Especially Randy. He must have been her dealer at some point… However, I thought you sang it well. Its one of my favorite songs and I thought you did it justice. There weren’t pitch problems at all. Meanies…

Oh yeah… and thank you heaven for DOUBLE SIDED TAPE!!! Kathrine, will you marry me, still???

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