Love is a Bagel and Other Thoughts

Earlier this year, I wrote about the coming economic storms and how the word “bagel” was my euphemism for a recession.

Well, here we are about six months later and we still have not had an official bagel yet – that we know of – but we are enjoying record high prices on almost every staple of life, from gas to food to iPhones…. oh wait… iPhones are cheaper than they’ve ever been.  Never mind on the whole “staples of life” bit.

Bagels are weird things.  A bagel is defined as two consecutive quarters of negative economic growth.  So here’s the catch; you can’t ever tell if you’re in a bagel until you’ve been having one for 6 months.  So the newest exciting financial sport for the past two quarters has been ‘guess when the bagel started’ and ‘guess when the bagel might end’ (if indeed we are to have a bagel).  What kind of sound economic definition and projection is this?!?  You never know if you’re in one until you’ve already had it… It’s like love… everyone tells me, “you’ll just know when it happens to you.”  Well, how am I to recognize something I’ve never experienced and will only be able to diagnose as such after I am mostly done experiencing it?!?!

It’s crazy talk.

Let’s talk about alternative energy for a minute.  T. Boone Pickens (who is as hickish as his name sounds), the self-proclaimed “oil man”, is now very publicly advancing the cause of wind power generation here in Texas.  Others have had grand conversions to the solar reflective plants that boil water using mirrors, rather than photovoltaic cells.  Others are very excited about new battery technologies, second and third generation bio fuels, and some are turning cow crap into methane…

Can’t the world just run off of good feelings?

Let me tell you my problem with this, though.  What happens when the wind doesn’t blow or the sun doesn’t shine?  Brazil, a country who prided itself on its all hydroelectric power generation, was forced into what they called the “agpagao” or the ‘great turning off’ when in 2001 and 2002 they experienced massive droughts.  Suddenly and overnight they realized… “hey, we should diversify our energy sources.”

What’s wrong with nuclear power?  For crap’s sake, they detonated nuclear weapons downwind from where I grew up for a half a century… and look how good I turned out!!!  Let’s just call it something else, so the anti-nuke people will calm down.  Let’s call it WarmFuzzy Power.  That will make them feel much better about it.

And finally, I am going on vacation tomorrow night!  I paid the exorbitant plane fare, and will even be paying the extravagantly frivolous new fees to check baggage… Yes!   Starting tomorrow night I am completely out to lunch!  I am doing exactly what I promised I wouldn’t do with my vacation time this year – go to the same places and visit the same family that I’ve been visiting for the last 3 years… But what can I say?  I’m a creature of habit.

You may be wondering… what will I do for 10 days while WhiteEyebrows is on vacation?!?!  You might be panicked or breathing into a brown paper bag by now.  But rest assured, I will blog as much as the demands of my schedule will allow. (Unlike some other bloggers who shall remain nameless, who get totally lazy during their holidays)

And scene.

6 thoughts on “Love is a Bagel and Other Thoughts”

  1. PARTY HARDY PEOPLE!!! MAY ALL YOUR VACATIONS BE STUCK WITH US! (oh yeah BTW, if you keep visiting us for all your vacations, then it will someday make your honeymoon to a REAL PLACE even more sweet.) See, I’m always looking on the bright side!

  2. Do bagels come with cream cheese? I think I could swallow a bagel as long as it has cream cheese on it.

    Make sure you take cash with you on the plane–they charge you $3 for a cookie. So far, the soda is still free, but I say, give that time. Happy trails!

  3. I don’t think love is a bagel, but I do think a bagel is love. I personally love bagels…with or without cream cheese. It’s like eating a healthy doughnut…but not really. And I think if the world could run off of good feelings, we probably would call it Warm Fuzzy Power. Everyone hold hands and do the Care Bears Stare!!

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