The Presidential Dog


It’s official.  The Obamas have settled on a Portuguese water dog as their new presidential pet.  They are going to call him Bo.

First of all, I want to complain about the name Bo.  It’s not as fun as the name “Socks” or as quaint as the name “Barney.”  It’s not as friendly as the name “Buddy” or as dainty as the name “Millie.” It is a very bland, plain name where WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get).  I’m good with that.  I think, in a way, Obama himself is “Bo.”  So far, he’s worked hard to deliver the leadership he promised during his campaign.

This dog is definitely a democrat, though, being a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy to the Obamas, even before they won the election.

But I have a real problem with Mr. Bo.

I just want to point out that the Obamas were a perfectly happy family before they had a dog.  As a fellow no-pet person, I just can’t help but wonder why they suddenly feel like they need to get a dog now that they’re in the White House?  Why change years of training their kids to have no feelings toward little furry animals, and suddenly allow one in your new, very expensive house?

Here are the reasons I have come up with, why a perfectly normal, honest, no-pets family would suddenly decide to get a dog:

1. Fulfill the American people’s stupid expectations of the First Family.

2. The White House Dog Trainer: Yes.  There is an official White House Dog Trainer.  NPR said this morning that he declined an interview.  So Obama is stimulating the economy by keeping him in work.

Those are just theories, though.  Here is the real reason:

3. National Security: This is the only reason why I would think that every Presidential family would have a pet.  Even after a pet died, they almost immediately replaced it without the obligatory grieving period.  Why?  There is obviously some purpose or role that the White House dog/pet is fulfilling.  Here are a few of my theories:

  • Collar contains missile codes
  • Paw or retinal scan opens the door to the underground bunkers
  • Has the location and purpose of Area 51 tattooed to his/her stomach
  • Is implanted by the FBI with recording and surveillance equipment

… and lastly as my personal favorite….

  • Is actually Jack Bauer in disguise


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