Arizona? Try Awful-zona.

Tonight’s premiere was a great way to start the season.  In fact, I will say very little at this stage, and let the images and video speak for itself!  … but first…

… Simon flips off America!  What a great way to start off Season 8!!!

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This girl was very excited to get to hug Paula.  Simon got a hug from her first, but she wasn’t quite as excited.

simons-eyes

Simon and I were right.  This was the first girl I really liked.  She has a nice quality to her voice, but I kind of wish we could have heard a second song.  She looks like she practiced her song way too long in front of the mirror – she had pre-programmed mouth movements and everything.

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This was the second girl I really liked.  She has a lovely musky quality to her voice, and was super natural in front of the judges and cameras – not put on at all.  Hope she stands out enough among the freaks in Hollywood.

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And now for the worst of the night…

Michael Gerr!

… or as I will call him…

“GRRRRRR!”

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This guy is like a cross between someone from the Adams family, the Munsters, and Gollum from Lord of the Rings.

(oh, and a shout out to Bulgaria!)

And now for something substantive:

I really like Kara DioGuardi.  She knows what she’s doing, and she hasn’t totally wrecked the show (yet).  I don’t know if this is a long term strategy or a short term one for Idol, but so far it’s OK. The only problem is for Randy and Paula who will get stuck playing 3rd and 4th fiddle and who are already becoming less and less relevant to the show.  Before, they would team up against Simon, but now with Kara in the middle and stealing limelight from them, it is just a matter of time before one or both of them will find something better to do with their time.

Now, Kara, darling.  You did break a cardinal rule of judging when you sang the song better than the contestant.  Listen to me honey – take this piece of free advice from me and Simon (we know).  Never open yourself up to the contestant.  Ever.  You have to maintain your haughty superiority… always!  Busting out and singing like that totally set you up to be attacked by the bikini wearing, freak of a contestant.  So, you gotta learn, girl!

Don’t worry, you’ll have the artist driven out of you soon enough, though.  And it will be replaced by a cruel shell of a person… you know… like Simon and I.

Oh, and Simon: nice to see you again, old chap.  Your presence on my television is like a warm blanket of hatred and loathing.  I have missed you my kindred brother.

Here’s to a great next 5 months!!!

15 thoughts on “Arizona? Try Awful-zona.”

  1. Simon’s Bulgaria reference was my favorite part of the whole show! I wonder if he even knows where BG is?!??

  2. you should never diss Carrie Underwood. If she wants to have a bedazzled microphone she can, you wingnut. I am extremely put out that you didn’t actually start doing this until after Season 4 of Idol and also only started so you think you can dance at Season 3. What kind of historian are you? I am at a loss for words. 🙂

  3. The first picture: brunette girl. I liked here, will be interesting to see how she sings on the fly vs. rehearsed.

    the second picture: blonde girl. Her vibrato was weird, but I did like her realness

    Michael Gerr whatever. Where are these people from?

    You didn’t even mention anything about the strategy of the bikini girl. I can tell you are engaged now.

    I liked the story about the oil rig guy. Though his situation is reminiscent of Daughtry (without as much talent Im afraid) And reminds me of people like that marine guy during the Carrie Underwood year, and Bucky Covington. Will be interesting

    However, the best one was one you didn’t even mention. The blind guy at the end. How could you not mention him? He was interesting, engaging, had a nice personality and you can envision that when gotten a hold of by the AI stylists he could have a 180 turn around in look and image. I have hope for that guy. Plus it was sweet to see his good looking brother lead him into and out of the room and his family be so happy for him. I loved it.

    I love Kara. Love her. She is intelligent and has good reason for accepting or rejecting, for instance, her point with bikini girl was that they song has as different feel that how she was singing it. YOu can hit notes, but you have to have the rhythm too. She is talented and smart. I love her. I think now Paula’s way worse off, because having Kara there makes Paula look even more clueless, and will only shove her into more of a position of fighting with Simon. UG.

  4. Relevance? Uhh… what could be more relevant than a 16 year old who says she’s watched this show since she was 8, and now auditioning for it! BAM! That’s relevance!

  5. I can’t believe anyone watches this trash … because that’s what it is … trash.

    Go on a walk, read a book, write in your journal, work on a certification, enjoy conversation with friends and family, learn to play an instrument, or eat gelato. In other words, do ANYTHING besides waste your brain cells on this ridiculous show.

  6. So.. “DroppingBy” … since you didn’t have the guts to leave a real email address (which isn’t published by the way… it just helps keep spam out of my life and identify who my commenters are), I’ll have to reply to your incendiary comments here for the whole world to see.

    First of all: It’s pretty ironic that you’d waste your precious time reading and commenting on what I’ve written about something you find totally worthless. Why didn’t you go on a walk or read a book rather than wasting your time with this stupid blog? Huh??? If it’s not worth your time to watch, then it certainly can’t be worth your time or brain cells to read about and comment on a blog, no?

    Second – Why gelato? Why not ice cream? You are clearly a communist elitist if you insist on gelato over good old fashioned fattening American ice cream.

    Third – You think AI is trash? I think gelato is trash. What you got to say about that, yo?

    And Fourth – I hope you comment again. I’m really in the mood for an online smackdown!

    YESSSS!!! I win!

  7. Does anyone else remember that Politically Incorrect phrase about arguing on the internet…. ?
    Blogs are for discussion Peeps! Excuse me while I go work on a certification now.

  8. What will the musicologists say in two hundred years? The decline of western music? Maybe. The savior of western music? Mmm, probably not.

  9. It was pointed out to me tonight by someone much more lovely than I that I was too mean to DroppingBy. So… let me try again.

    Welcome to the blog new commenter! Hope to see you coming back for more! (oh and PS > you are still wrong. This time I was just nicer by not pointing it out so harshly.)

  10. Hooray for a new season of AI! I have been waiting in anticipation for the time when I could once again consume my evenings mindlessly watching hours upon hours of television! Hooray!

    A note for DroppingBy (in support of my buddy WE): I don’t feel my viewing experience, or that of my fellow blogging commenter’s, of American Idol in anyway rots my brain. It is a release and escape from the rest of my life where I do run through fields singing and picking wildflowers. (BTW, I’m a college professor.)

  11. W.E., you got a hater! That’s got to be some kind of blogging milestone, right, when random people stop by and leave nasty comments? I love it!
    And yeah, I liked the blonde girl best, I liked the tone to her voice, it was different and original.
    See ya Saturday!!

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