American Idol – Top 9 Reviews

Another week has gone by. I ask myself, “why do I keep watching this show?!” The answer is, to see Simon. It’s true. This is like my weekly date with the slightly deranged British dude. I find myself being more entertained by his comments than by any of the songs.

Blake –
Two weeks with no beat boxing is showing that you ARE human, and are not that good of a singer either! The vocal was not great. You were very disconnected, and you felt like a fish out of water singing an old standard. Kathrine McPhee would be so ashamed! Mack the Knife is supposed to be really fun, and you weren’t having any fun. Probably, from what Ryan alluded to, you were more concerned with looking sexy and remembering your words. No room for fun there.

Which brings me to…

Chris –
Thankfully Chris Sligh is gone this week, so no more last name confusion… but boy howdy the star of Chris Richardson is rising above Blake! His vocal was awesome, the arrangement was amazing. He made it very current, but he still told the story and connected with the lyric as the old standards require. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets a major bump. He just gets better and better.

Melinda –
My woman! Now, this wasn’t my favorite performance of yours, but it was still AMAZING. You pull it out every week. You make the song fun, exciting, a journey. You are my #1.

Lakisha –
You are the #1 threat to my Melinda, which makes you no friend of mine! I sat there last night and wondered, why i didn’t like you like I like Melinda. Well, the answer is best summed up by a story a friend of mine recently told me about some African-American girls in Atlanta she was teaching in a public school setting. One day she overheard one talking to the other:

Girl 1: “Garrrl… whassh-yooou gunna call yo’ baybee”

Girl 2: “mmm… I danno… I fink Makisha Shalanda Yaquifa”

Teacher: “Oh really, how are you going to spell that name?”

Girl 1: “pssh.. ma’ Teeshah… you know we black folk jus’ make it up when we git to da hospital…”

Lakisha, you strike me as one of these girls. A member of the human race, but not really a participant therein (if you catch my drift).

Here’s another analogy: you paint a picture with a broad brush, while Melinda is much more understated and surgical. You go out there and just dump it all out into a stinky pile on the stage, while Melinda always leaves me wanting more.

On to the vocal though – it was really good. It was still something I could hear in most southern baptist churches this Sunday.

Ok… enough on you Lakisha..

Gina –
You looked like a freak tonight. I really could barely hear what you were singing because you had that weird hairdo, braids in the front with a Utah boof in the back, painted pink. Are you having some african-american from salt lake city doing your hair??? Ughhhh! And makeup!!! That eyeshadow made you look like you had a bad run in from they tin man from the Wizard of Oz. Please… someone help her with hair and makeup! Your clothes were better this week though.

Phil –
Dude… you’re in the major danger zone today! The judges had something going with that “dark” routine… it’s that your voice was dark. Oh, and it was nice to see you don’t bic your head every day, just on performance days. Your video you looked like 170 years old with your big eyes and the fringe growing strong.

Haley –
You’re also in the danger zone. The green dress was very sparkly, and your Baywatch cleavage was a joy to experience in high definition in the up close and personal shots, but the vocal wasn’t special. I don’t even remember what you sang. Good luck with David Hasselhoff…

Sanjaya –
I, like Simon, have pretty much ran out of words to say about this little brown turd. So now I’m just going to be mean and awful. What in the world does America see in this guy? If you wonder where Sanjaya came from, the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree. Did you see Ryan’s interaction with his father in the audience. This has got to be a joke! This isn’t Indian pretty boy Idol. This is AMERICAN Idol. Really, American Idol fans will be the undoing of this show. Every week this no talent pretty boy hack stays on the show, the show loses more and more credibility. I suppose that this is turning back into a popularity contest than a singing competition. All I can say is awkward… double, triple, awkward sundae with sprinkles and a cherry on top.

America, you’ve had a good run. Please don’t make me move to Australia.

My awesome cuz Lindsie reminded me I left out someone… I could have sworn I counted 9 contestants:

Jordin –
You know you’re in trouble when you get forgotten off of a reviewer’s review. It pretty much says, “was she even there?” I had to look up what she sang to remember it… oh yeah, “clear day”. Well, let’s just say she is NO Barbara Streisand… the arrangement had some funky stuff in it, like when it totally changed beat/rhythm awkardly 1/2 way through. It couldn’t figure out whether it was going to be uptempo or contemplative. Plus, her breathing bothered me. She was gasping for air like Idina Menzel, and it totally distracts me. Her star is starting to slip a little after this week and last week.

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